learn how to change eating habits and lose weight without dieting with these 5 skills
If you’re here it means you’ve likely been on a diet for much of your life. Seeing yourself in the mirror, feeling disgusted with how your body looks and swearing that this is it.
You’re going to cut out carbs and sugar. Or only eat 1200 calories a day. Or buy expensive shakes that you eat as meals twice a day for a month. Whatever it takes to change your eating habits.
You WILL stick with it this time! The first few weeks go great and you start to see some changes on the scale. But then a few more weeks or even a few months pass and you’ve had a really stressful day at work, or you have a family vacation planned or your kids are home sick from school….and its all just too much.
It is too much work to be counting every calorie that goes in your mouth or never have a piece of bread or to feel like you can’t meet a friend for lunch because you’re only allowed to have a shake for lunch.
You can’t take it anymore so you say screw it. I’m having a burger and fries. And then the burger and fries turns into a week long free for all and before you know it the diet is over, the weight is coming back on and you’re back where you’ve always been. Feeling guilty and ashamed because once again, you blew it.
If you’re nodding your head right now, you’re a yo yo dieter and you’re not alone.
And if you’re feeling trapped by it, I’m going to help you find your way out.
Because they key to long term weight loss isn’t a diet. Diets are about following rules at any and all costs, including your mental well being. They’re about restriction. About what you can’t have. About telling yourself no. About punishing yourself into results.
So if a diet isn’t the answer, what is?
How do we lose weight without dieting?
Skills. Skills that teach you what, why and how to eat. Skills that help you finally feel at ease around food and in your body. Skills that allow you to make thoughtful, intentional choices in any situation vs operating on autopilot or blindly following the rules of a the latest trendy diet you read on PopSugar.com.
In this blog post I’m going to share the top 5 skills that will help you break up with dieting and lose fat. For good.
You’ll want to start practicing them one at a time. Because they are skills, not rules, the more you practice, the better you will get. It will feel like a lot of work at first, but it will get easier over time, the way any skill does. And the best part is once you learn it, its with you for life.
I’ve also got a podcast episode all about this which will be a great complement to the skills in this blog post.
The way these skills work to help you lose weight naturally is that they change your eating habits and naturally reduce your overall intake of food (and therefore calories). Fat loss happens when your body is in a caloric deficit which means you are eating less calories than your body needs in a day.
We’ve always use a diet to create that deficit through rigid rules and restriction and limits. These skills create a deficit without any of that….in fact they prioritize including the foods that you love, feeling full, and enjoying what you eat.
If you’ve been wondering can you lose weight without dieting, the answer is yes. Here’s your guide to how to lose weight without counting calories.
The top 5 skills to change your eating habits and lose weight without dieting are:
skill 1: Include 1-2 servings of protein at every meal to hit your protein goal for weight loss
If you’ve ever wondered is there a “best food to lose weight,” there is. But its not a single food, its an entire food group which makes it pretty easy to incorporate: protein.
This is my favorite skill to start with because its really tangible. It’s what we call an external skill which means it can be measured and easily tracked. A great protein goal for weight loss is to include 1-2 servings at every meal.
Let’s start with a quick nutrition lesson.
All food is made up of three macronutrients (often referred to as macros):
Protein
Carbohydrates
Fat
Some foods are made up primarily of just one of these and some are a combo of 2 or all 3. The important thing to know here is that you need all 3 at every meal to get the nutrition your body needs for optimal health, to enjoy what you eat and to feel full.
That said, we’re going to focus on protein. Here’s why:
Protein is the most satiating of the 3 macros. There are nerve endings in your gut that actually sense protein and communicate to your brain that you have had enough to eat. This doesn’t happen with fat or carbs. Because it’s the most filling macro it becomes a key component of fat loss and helping you manage hunger, fullness and overall food intake.
Protein is the building block for muscle and muscle is essential for strength, bone density, healthy immunity and healthy aging. If you are not eating enough protein you will lose muscle and that has a massive detrimental impact on your health, especially for women in their 40s and older.
Protein is required for nearly every cellular function in your body. We don’t often think about things like this because we take them for granted but if you are not eating enough protein your body is not able to function the way it needs to. How does that show up? It shows up as a weekend immune system, having low energy, dealing with constant cravings, feeling weak. The list goes on.
The focus of this is around fat loss so let’s hone in on point number one above. If you’re not eating protein at every meal it means you’re eating mostly carbs and fats. Which you need! But they will not fill you up the way protein will. Which means you will need to eat more food (and therefore calories) to feel full and will also likely get hungry between meals.
By adding more protein you will feel fuller faster therefore needing to eat less food (and calories) overall and you’ll stay fuller longer which means you won’t be looking for snacks between meals.
That is how protein helps with fat loss.
How do I put this into action to change eating habits?
So what do 1-2 servings look like? The palm of your hand is a great reference point. One serving is one palm in area and thickness. If you’re not eating any protein at all, start with one at each meal. If you’re already eating one at each meal, increase it to 1.5 and see if that helps with fullness.
Of course there are many sources of protein that won’t fit in the palm of your hand, like greek yogurt and cottage cheese. For things like that you’ll want to eyeball one fist as a serving.
And last but not least, you want to make sure that what you’re choosing for protein at meals is an efficient source of protein. Which means that the majority of the calories and nutrition are coming from protein, not fat or carbs.
Here are the most efficient sources of protein to help you hit your protein goal for weight loss:
Lean meats
Low fat greet yogurt and cottage cheese
Shellfish, white fish, tuna
Protein powder
Egg whites
Tofu
This infographic gives a quick snapshot of all three macros and some additional protein sources. Also check out episode 124 of The Diet Diaries all about protein and the ultimate guide to choosing the protein bar that’s right for you.
skill 2: Eat bigger meals and fewer snacks
Spending years on a diet has brainwashed us to think that less food is better. Low fat this, low cal that. Eat 6 small meals a day. Make sure you have a snack to keep your metabolism “fired up.”
But here’s the thing. Our bodies were not designed to eat every couple of hours. The “stoking your metabolism” thing is a myth. There is ZERO scientific research or evidence to back that up.
So you’re now probably wondering “how often should I eat for weight loss?”
Well you know there’s no worse feeling than eating a meal or a snack and still feeling hungry after. But a snack, by definition, is not meant to be filling. Who wants to eat and still feel hungry after? Nobody. Which means when you have a snack you very likely end up eating more than you had intended in order to feel full.
And if you are actually hungry for a snack 2-3 hours after you’ve had a meal it means you are:
Not eating enough at that meal and/or
You’re not eating the right nutrition to fill you up (code for eat more protein!)
When you eat 3 meals and 2 snacks a day you are much more likely to over eat and eat more calories than your body needs. Because you never actually feel full.
The trick is to take a little bit of the food you would eat at your snack and add it on to your meal so that you will actually feel full after the meal and be able to go 4-6 hours between meals which is the answer to that burning question “how often should I eat for weight loss”. I have had clients lose over 15 pounds just from making this simple change.
Each meal should follow this rough template:
1-2 servings of protein that take up 1/4-1/3 of the plate
2 cups (2 fists) of non starchy veggies that take up 1/2 of the plate
1/2-1 cup (cupped handful) of starchy carb that takes up 1/4 of the plate
1-2 tablespoons of fat if your protein is super lean and you didn’t use oil or butter to cook the veggies or starch
Here’s a template of what that looks like so you can learn to eyeball portions:
Use these guidelines to make your meals a little bit bigger and watch how you don’t get hungry for a snack, starting going 4-6 hours between meals and end up eating less food (and therefore calories) overall.
I wrote a follow up blog post getting into this skill in more detail including specific examples how it helps with fat loss that you can read here.
Skill 3: Always feeling hungry even after eating? Prioritize eating by reducing distractions, putting your food on a plate and sitting at a table
When was the last time you ate sitting at a table? Or ate without looking at your phone? How often do you grab food from the pantry while walking through the kitchen or eat the last few bites of mac and cheese from your kids’ plate? Are you often wondering “why am I still hungry after eating a lot?”
Putting food on a plate and sitting at a table has become the exception instead of the norm. Of course life is always happening and there will 100% be times when you need to eat in the car or while on a call for work.
But there are MANY times where we just don’t make eating a priority. It’s an afterthought to everything else in our hectic lives. And when it’s an afterthought and we’re doing four other things while eating, we are not paying attention to the food or how we’re feeling as we’re eating. That’s a fact. You can’t be scrolling Instagram and noticing how full you are. You can’t be responding to work emails and slowing down between bites.
When you’re not paying attention to what you eat three things happen:
You don’t know when you’re full so you eat more than you need to
You don’t enjoy the food so you often feel unsatisfied after you’re done and have cravings later on
You eat on autopilot because of the circumstances and end up eating when you don’t want to be eating
Imagine all of the extra food and calories you eat because of those 3 points above. Now imagine if you started sitting down, putting your food on a plate and reducing distractions like phones and emails how you would be able to slow down and pay more attention which will ultimately reduce the overall amount of food you’re eating, simply because you realize you don’t need it. Not because you can’t have it or it isn’t allowed, the way a diet works.
Start small with this, maybe one meal a day and slowly add on. Keeping in mind that you don’t need to do this all of the time. Perfection isn’t the goal. Consistency is.
As you practice you can also experiment with using a timer when you have cravings, are looking for snacks right after a meal or notice yourself wanting to eat anytime you’re angry/sad/bored/stressed. Here’s a link to a blog post with more detail on how to use a timer and why it can actually help with weight loss.
Here’s a simple plan to get going so you can stop feeling like you are always feeling hungry even after eating:
Choose one meal a day that you want practice
Choose one specific skill: sit down, put your food on a plate, put away your phone, use a timer (not all 4 at once!)
Start noticing what you notice when you do this
Add on another skill until you get more comfortable with it
Add on more meals
Skill 4: Reframe the way you label food as good or bad by learning how to assign the right food to the right job
Have you ever wondered “am I addicted to sugar?” If so, here’s why.
Every single diet you’ve ever done has likely had some version of a list of good or bad foods. Maybe they’ve been color coded with green, yellow, red. Maybe they’ve been listed as eat frequently or eat rarely. Maybe they’ve been assigned more points. But at the core of this is the idea that high calorie, sugary, non nutritious food aka “junk food” is bad and low calorie, nutritious food aka “healthy food” is good. This is a HUGE block to binge eating recovery.
So naturally when we eat something labeled as bad we feel bad. We even go so far as to think we ARE bad. This is where shame comes from food.
Here’s how that happens. It’s 3pm and you feel like you’re hungry for an afternoon snack. You get a bag of chips from the pantry and eat them. Except you’re still hungry after. You can’t go back to work feeling like that so you grab another bag.
You’re still not full and you’re feeling really blah so you grab a piece of candy from your kid’s basket. Then another. You’re standing there eating candy and now feeling like crap, asking yourself “am I addicted to sugar” because you’ve just eaten all this food AND you’re still hungry AND you feel guilty.
So you say to yourself, ugh this is why I can’t have chips and candy around. I just eat it all, this food is so bad. I don’t know how to break the sugar addiction.
Except that that food isn’t bad. It just wasn’t the right food for the job. If you’re truly hungry chips and candy are never going to fill hunger. And just like if you want something sweet for dessert and try to fill it with an apple, the craving is going to get even more intense. Not because you’re a sugar addict but because an apple isn’t the right food for the job.
Eating healthy isn’t only about eating nutritious foods. It is just as much about incorporating foods you love, whether they are nutritious or not, in a way that doesn’t cause stress or obsession. Because food is about way more than nutrition. It is about joy and love and connection. And experiencing those feelings is part of being healthy. Acknowledging this is a huge part of binge eating recovery.
The reality is that NO food is good or bad. Foods vary in calorie density and nutrient density which means foods have jobs. So the skill is around choosing the right food for the right job.
When you are truly hungry you need nutritious food that is going to fill you up. We already learned from above that means protein! And likely some carbs and/or fat with it. If you choose a food that can’t do that job, you will end up over eating and having cravings. Not because those foods are bad, but because that’s not their job.
This goes both ways—meaning if you want cake for dessert and tell yourself cake is bad and try to have some fruit instead, you’ll end up with an even stronger craving which means you’ll end up eating the fruit plus the cake and probably more. Fruit’s job isn’t to satisfy dessert cravings.
Physical therapist and eating disorder survivor Rhonda Chamberlain and I talk about this in detail in episode 106 of The Diet Diaries.
This grid below helps give a visual for how to reframe food away from good and bad to nutrient dense and calorie dense so you can use that information to assign the right food to the right job.
Skill 5: Start tracking your food to learn what, when and why you’re eating so you can identify patterns and behaviors that are keeping you from your fat loss goal
Oh, tracking food intake. Everyone’s favorite thing to hate. And I get it. Because tracking feels tedious. How do you know if you estimated the right amount of butter on that potato when you went out to dinner? Do I have to weigh everything? What was in that chopped salad? Oh crap I forgot about those fries I ate off my kids plate at dinner.
It’s very easy to become obsessive about the numbers which can lead to a really dark place. I’ve been there. Counting calories to lose weight can make you feel trapped.
And it starts feel impossible to figure out how to lose weight without counting calories.
But, tracking does give us lots of information. It’s data. And data helps us draw conclusions and get insights and see where our big challenges are. But here’s the thing. Tracking calories or macros or points is not the only way to track food. We can track so many other experiences and behaviors around food that will actually give us better information that reflects our own unique needs.
Here is the framework that answers the million dollar question “how to lose weight without tracking.”
Stop tracking numbers and start tracking this:
What: what did I eat
When: what time did I eat
Where: where did I eat (at the table, at the kitchen counter, in my car, at a restaurant, etc)
Why: why did I eat (i was starving, i was a little hungry, it was time to eat, someone else wanted to eat, I was stressed, I was bored, etc)
How: how did I feel after I ate (still hungry, full, satisfied, unsatisfied, craving other food, etc)
You don’t need a fancy app for this, all you need is a little journal or the Notes app in your phone. Spend a week using this framework to track one meal a day. Notice the patterns that you see.
Maybe you notice that you’re not eating protein and so you’re still feeling hungry after the meal. Maybe you notice that you’re eating while doing work all of the time.
Then start tracking another meal. This is where the real magic happens because you start to see what’s happening across the day and how much what happens at one meal impacts the others.
And now that you have all of this information that reflects your unique lifestyle and behaviors you can pinpoint where the gaps are. Where you’re consistently doing the same behaviors and ending up with the same result (that you don’t want). So now you can address those behaviors with one of the skills from above and start to make lasting change.
Not with restriction or punishment or swearing off sugar for the next 30 days, but with a skill that helps you make thoughtful, intentional choices around what you are eating.
How this all comes together to help you change your eating habits
In this post I covered five key skills that can help you lose fat without dieting including how to hit your protein goal for weight loss, how to eat bigger meals so you’re not always feeling hungry even after eating and how to track food intake without counting calories.
Each of these skills helps you to get off autopilot and learn how to make thoughtful intentional choices around food. Which means you stop feeling obsessed with food and controlled by the scale and start feeling more at ease around food and in your body. And as a result, you lose fat because you know what, why and how to eat in a way that matches what your body truly needs.
If you want support with learning these skills I offer personalized nutrition coaching. Click here to schedule a free call to learn more about how we could work together to help you meet your goals.