Episode 110: how to change eating habits for good
Real talk, I don’t set New Year’s goals or resolutions. But I know MANY folks do and if you do, I want it to work for you!
So today I’m sharing how I approach goal setting…and the cool part is it really doesn’t have anything to do with the new year. You can use these strategies anytime you want to work on changing something about your life.
Here’s what I’m talking about in episode 110:
Science of fresh starts is a real thing so if it feels meaningful to you, lean into it
Instead of setting a resolution or a goal, set a behavior or an action
Why focusing on actions instead of outcomes (goals) is the only way to success
How to enjoy the process of starting a new behavior including change of eating habits
Exactly how to take a goal and turn it into specific daily actions
I wrote a huge blog post to talk you through the 5 key skills to change eating habits and lose fat without dieting. Take a read here!
I have 1:1 coaching spots open and would love to support you through the process of making changes around food, eating and body image that will last for life. Click here to schedule a complimentary call where we can get to know each other and talk about what working together could look like.
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[00:00:29] Hey everyone, it's episode 110 of The Diet Diaries and I gotta say, how fucking cool is this new intro music. I am super into it. Um, I spent a lot of time looking for something new. I wanted like a totally different vibe and sound than what it had been. And I'm just so excited about it. So I hope you guys are enjoying it.
[00:00:49] And I know after a couple episodes or maybe even just one, you're like, yeah, I don't need to listen to that anymore. And I get that. Um, but I am happy and I think it really kind of captures like the energy and sort of just like [00:01:00] the significance of what we're talking about, with that hard finish at the end.
[00:01:04] This is real stuff. So today is, as you're listening to this, well this is going to get published on Monday, January 9th. So we're like a little ways into the new year, and this is my quote unquote New Year's episode, and I kind of like that it ended up being a little bit more into the new year when maybe we're a little bit past, sort of like the onslaught of all this stuff, and you've had a little bit of a chance to settle.
[00:01:29] Last week's episode kind of came off of me watching the documentary Stutz over, um, the quote, winter break, and my thoughts on that, and it really is like a segue into today. In that last week I was talking about how we kind of think all these external things make us happy. Um, and that the way that we perceive some of that on the outside, especially as it relates to other people with money or weight loss or um, fame.
[00:01:59] Um, when we see [00:02:00] celebrities or influencers or people who have certain clothes or houses or material things that we want, and we think that we automatically assume that that must mean that they're happy and they have a wonderful life, except that's not true.
[00:02:12] And so that's kind of leading into today's episode, which is around how we actually make some of these changes that we want to see in our lives. And I am actually, I don't set a new year, year's resolution. I don't set New Year's goals. A new year really doesn't have any significance to me, it never really has, I've never really been into it. I have picked other random dates during the year that were much more in sync with, like, when I would get a really big buildup of, um, anxiety or panic or whatever was going on around my body.
[00:02:48] Um, it wasn't like, oh, it's a new year, so I need to change things. It never really worked out that way for me. I do use a word of the year, which I'm not gonna dive into too much today cause I wanna stay [00:03:00] focused kind of on this one topic, but I will talk more about that. Um, and that is a practice, this is my third year doing it that I have found very beneficial because it's more values driven.
[00:03:09] Um, and it does focus more on, on action for me than just like a specific goal. All that said, what I'm gonna talk about today applies to any time. This isn't just for New Years. So if you're like, I think I talk about this somewhere, like if you like wanna make a change like in the middle of March or on July 2nd, or on November 29th of this year, this is the approach that I think you should take, right?
[00:03:35] This is how I work with my one-to-one coaching clients. This is how I have made the changes that I've made, um, over time.
[00:03:45] And there is a science behind. There is research that shows that like a fresh start around starting something with a new year or the beginning of a month or on a Monday, that that can be beneficial to certain people. So if you feel like that's helpful for you, lean into that. [00:04:00] But notice whether you're doing that because it feels good for you innately, or because you think that's the only time that you can start something.
[00:04:06] So feeling like starting on a Monday or starting on the first of a month or on a new year, which is less frequent, feels innately like a clean slate for you. If that feels good, great. If you're like, that's my only chance to start, I can only start on the first of the month. I can only start something on a Monday, that's different, right?
[00:04:23] Then that becomes sort of like, this diet starts Monday. Well, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing cuz I can't start until Monday. I can't start until next month. Um, so just kind of notice the way you're approaching that. Um, and then as we kind of get into sort of the, the meat of this episode, instead of thinking about setting a goal or a resolution, can you think about setting a behavior or an action?
[00:04:48] So something that you can actually do? Right. Let's use weight loss. Okay. Because there's a lot of stuff out there right now that's, you know, a [00:05:00] new year doesn't mean you have to lose weight and don't set weight loss as a New Year's resolution and don't set weight loss as a goal and you don't have to lose weight to be a better person.
[00:05:09] All true. You do not have to lose weight to be a better person. Um, but if you want to lose weight for whatever reason, and I say whatever reason, I say that kind of in passing, if you want to lose weight for a reason that aligns with your values and that you've really connected to and answered the question of why do I want to lose weight?
[00:05:27] And you've done that work, which again, separate episode, then you're allowed to do that. Don't let any kind of trendy posts on social media saying that you don't have to lose weight in the new year make you feel like you can't do that if you want to. Um, because the reality is that whatever actions you take around that, if they're in line with kind of the approach that I talk about here, this, um, you know, not dieting, using skills, skills of what, why, and [00:06:00] how you eat that's going to improve your quality of life, that's going to improve your health.
[00:06:04] You are going to get so many benefits of that, whether or not the weight loss actually happens. And that's why when we keep ourselves unattached to the outcome and we stay focused on the process and we enjoy the day-to-day actions and behaviors that we're doing we can then like live our lives and, and feel good and not be reliant on that outcome, which we never know kind of if or when that's going to happen.
[00:06:32] We don't have to rely on that for our happiness. We can rely on the fact that we're taking actions day to day that feel good, that are aligned with our values. So this is about being action focused, not outcome focused. And again, this is not about New Year's. This applies to any time you want to make a change, any day of any year.
[00:06:53] And like I said, it's just so much easier to enjoy the process when you're focusing on your actions versus focusing on [00:07:00] the outcome because that's like this at this future date and time, and you don't know if and when that's gonna happen, but it's like, well, how am I showing up? What am I doing every day in the name of that or in service of that?
[00:07:12] That's what you wanna be focusing on. And so what does this look like? Okay. So typically you would say, I wanna lose 10 pounds. Okay? That's a goal. That is an outcome. Let's start to get into like the layers of this. What are the actions that you need to do in order to lose those 10 pounds?
[00:07:34] And I'm gonna approach this with a skills-based approach, I would. That's what I coach. That's what I do, that's how I live. So, um, if you wanna go do a diet, this is not the podcast for you. Um, so let's come up with three actions around, I wanna lose 10 pounds. Uh, I want need to eat more protein. I'm going to put my food on a plate so I'm more aware of what I'm eating, and [00:08:00] I am going to start eating bigger meals and fewer snacks.
[00:08:06] Okay, so three things. Eat more protein, put my food on a plate, and reduce snacking by eating bigger meals. Okay, so those are three actions. So let's start with the first one. Eating more protein. Okay, that's cool. I wanna lose 10 pounds. I know that eating more protein is going to help me do that.
[00:08:25] So you say, okay, well I'm gonna eat more protein. Well, what does that look like? That's a big undertaking. So what does eating more protein actually look like? Let's drill this down further. So looking at what am I currently eating, let's say at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Am I having protein at each meal?
[00:08:43] If I'm not, can I include a protein source at each meal? If I already am eating protein at each meal, can I add a little bit more? Okay, so again, these are all just one way of sort of doing these things. But what I wanna show you is how many times you have to keep drilling down and [00:09:00] getting a layer deeper, a layer deeper, a layer deeper, to actually get to the root kind of core action that you need to be doing day to day to get to that higher level ultimate goal.
[00:09:13] So we've said, I wanna eat more protein, so I need to make sure I'm having protein source at every meal. Okay, well, what are those protein sources? I need to get a list of ideas for breakfast, for lunch, for dinner. I need to go to the store. I need to have them in my house. I need to prep them, right?
[00:09:27] So it's like I come up with what my ideas are and then I go to the store and I buy them. And then they may not need to be prepped. Like let's say it's like I'm gonna have Greek yogurt or cottage cheese at breakfast every. Done. Do I have the things I wanna have with that? Do I have fruit? Do I have nuts?
[00:09:41] Do I have nut butter? Do I have whatever it is that you're going to put with it? Do you have all of those things? Right? Do you see how saying I wanna lose 10 pounds and getting to the point well, I have the ingredients to make like a Greek, Greek yogurt bowl for breakfast in my house, like, that's what you actually need to be doing to lose the 10 pounds.
[00:09:59] Like what [00:10:00] are the day-to-day actions and what day of the week am I gonna go shopping? Like, am I gonna check my fridge and make sure I have these things stocked? This is how granular you need to get. So then let's take the next one, which is, um, putting my food on a plate, which doesn't have as many, quite as many layers.
[00:10:18] Right. You're gonna need to pause when you wanna go grab, when you're like making your kids lunch and it's like, oh, I'll just grab a couple of those chips and I'll just, you know, pop one of their cookies in my mouth. Pause. Do I really wanna eat this? If I really wanna eat this cookie as I'm making my kids snack, okay, fine.
[00:10:34] But then I have to put on a plate and I have to sit down. And it's getting more tactical, and I've said this word again several times now, like more granular around what it is that you actually need to do. And then when you focus on those actions every day and stay consistent with them then your outcome will happen.
[00:10:57] Because when those actions, those day-to-day [00:11:00] actions are aligned with your values and you're doing it in a way that feels good, which means it's sustainable, and sustainability is what drives consistency, you will reach your goal. It's when we take actions that are not aligned with our values.
[00:11:14] Like let's say you're like, oh, I wanna lose 10 pounds this year, I'm gonna do, or I, I wanna lose 10 pounds in a month. You put a deadline on it and you're like, I'm gonna do a juice cleanse for the next two weeks or whatever it is. And you're fucking miserable because juice cleanses suck. And I speak from experience with that.
[00:11:33] You're not enjoying the process. You are only focused on the outcome because the process is so miserable, you're getting no joy from that. So the only thing you've got to hold onto is like the hope that the suffering that you're going through is going to yield the outcome that you want, except you can't actually control that because you can't control how your body releases fat.
[00:11:53] And sidebar. Juice cleanse doesn't actually help you lose fat. It just drops water weight, which is why the scale drops. And as soon as you start eating [00:12:00] solid food again, the water weight comes back on. You haven't lost anything. Sidebar, separate episode . Um, but when you are doing actions day-to-day that make you miserable, where you feel like you are suffering, that's why you only have them, the outcome to hold onto.
[00:12:15] That's why that weight loss, that end result feels like life or death because you're like, I'm suffering. I'm going through all of this. Like for what? But when you're like, oh, this actually feels really good, and eating more protein at breakfast, like helps keep me full and now I don't feel like I need to eat a snack two hours later.
[00:12:30] And like, it's really nice not to constantly be thinking about food in between meals and suddenly your quality of life is better and you're like, oh my God, this is awesome. And then you start to slowly see some changes on the scale. But it's like, because you don't have to rely, you don't have to rely on that end goal anymore because you're actually enjoying the process.
[00:12:47] So it's like this reversal, right where we enjoy the process and the outcome comes as a byproduct versus being miserable through the process and relying on that outcome as our only source of happiness. [00:13:00] And so I want you to think about getting as specific as possible. Whatever your goal or resolution is, you need to get specific.
[00:13:08] What are the actions you need, verbs, what are the things that you are going to be doing every day or every other day. Obviously it's all kind of contextual in service of that ultimate goal. And here's the thing, are those day-to-day actions sustainable, which means sustainability by definition, I'm not talking about the environment or like recyclable goods.
[00:13:35] I'm talking about like behaviors and actions needs to be enjoyable because we are not able to keep doing things that we don't enjoy at least some in some way. Um, and they have to be in alignment with your values. And so when you think about all the crazy hardcore diets that you've done and you think about what you value as a person, those two things pretty much are like at odds with each other.
[00:13:59] They do [00:14:00] not go together. Um, and so that's a quick check-in, like, that's like a really good gut check. So is this sustainable and are these actions in alignment with my values. And then you won't be relying on that ultimate goal so much for your happiness because you will, again, enjoy the process. I know I keep repeating these things and I, I do that just by nature of like the, the, um, this medium, but also because we need to hear these things so many times and in so many different ways before it clicks and sinks in.
[00:14:33] Um, that's just how our human brains work and we're so conditioned to having these thoughts and doing things in a certain way and starting a new diet and, and all of this, like, it just takes time for it to like settle and make sense in our brains. Um, so I think that this really kind of captures what I wanted to talk about.
[00:14:55] So again, just to kind of recap, maybe for like the second or third time, if [00:15:00] you have a goal or a resolution, whether it's now or any other time during the year, you're gonna take that goal and you need to identify what is the first kind of layer of actions underneath that that I need to do. Maybe there's one, maybe there's three, maybe there's more.
[00:15:16] And this doesn't just apply to food, right? This could relate to anything. And then well, what are the skills or what are the actions that feed into that? And I want you to drill down until you get to like the most basic thing, like if we go back to the eating more protein, right? One of those actions could be going to the grocery store every Sunday or whatever day it is of the week.
[00:15:38] That's how specific I want you to get. Um, so that it feels doable. It's something maybe you can write down. It's something you can hold yourself accountable to or someone else can hold you accountable to. Um, and it becomes just a behavior that becomes ingrained and part of your day-to-day [00:16:00] routine.
[00:16:00] Those behaviors being consistent and connected to your values and being sustainable, which means you have to enjoy them. Look, I'm not saying that going to the grocery store every Sunday is like the most fun. Not everything is going to be like fun and amazing and wonderful. . However, going to the store allows you to buy food that will taste good, that you will enjoy.
[00:16:22] Right. So there's kind of like that connection. I don't wanna get kind of lost in like the, well, everything needs to be fun and wonderful. Like, no, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that sometimes we need to do things that aren't fun in order to have an outcome of that, that feels good. Right? I go to the grocery store on Sundays, even though I don't really want to, and I've got a million other things to do so I can have the food in my fridge.
[00:16:43] So that way when I'm hungry Monday morning, I've got some really good nutritious food and great protein options in my fridge. And I don't end up like running out to Dunkin Donuts and getting a muffin, right? That's the wrong food for the job. Dunkin Donuts muffins have another job and it is not for breakfast on a Monday morning, um, when [00:17:00] you're trying to eat more protein.
[00:17:02] So hope this is helpful. Thank you for listening. Um, I have one-to-one coaching spots open right now, and I would love to support you in making changes that will last. Learning the skills around what, why, and how to eat to totally change the way you feel around food. Start to feel at ease around food and in your body and doing that work alongside, um, skills-based work to improve your body image.
[00:17:29] So if you are ready to make a change, if you're ready to lose fat without being on a diet and you're looking for support. I'm here. There's a link, um, in the show notes and obviously on my website to set up a free discovery call where we can talk more and you can learn more about what the one-to-one coaching process is like, and I can, um, learn about you and hear what's going on with you and sort of see how that could all come together.
[00:17:52] So again, thank you for being here and more next week.