episode 234: how do you know who to trust in the online coaching world?
You hear one expert say “eat more protein.”
Another says “cut back on protein.”
One promises food freedom in 30 days.
Another says counting macros is the only way.
So who the hell do you listen to?
In this episode, I’m working to make sense of the chaos — in the wellness world and in the business coaching world — and sharing the exact questions I’ve been asking myself lately to tune out the noise and figure out who actually deserves my trust.
Because it’s not just about what someone says — it’s how they say it, why they say it, and how it makes you feel.
Inside:
What to look for (and what to run from) in coaches, content, and “solutions”
The sneaky way urgency gets weaponized in wellness
How to know if someone’s challenging you in a good way — or just making you feel like shit
If you’ve ever felt confused, overwhelmed, or just… over it… when it comes to health advice, this one’s for you.
Plus, a behind-the-scenes look at why I created the Food Behavior Blueprint — and how it’s different from everything else out there.
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2025-06-23 12-45-21
[00:00:00] Hey friends, thanks for listening to the Diet Diaries. There's gonna be the hum of my window air conditioner in the background 'cause it's insanely hot in New Jersey today and I can't turn it off. Sometimes I try to make sure this thing is not on mute. So, let's see. This is gonna air on Monday, June 30th.
Um. If you are on my email list, then a week ago today, you got an email from me in which I shared some really, really vulnerable, hard to stuff share about my business and my mindset around my business. Um, if you aren't on my email list and you want the email, shoot me a note. I'm happy to send it to you.
I'm gonna talk a little bit about it here today. Before I do that, I just wanted to mention Food Behavior Blueprint as my new freebie. Like, I've never done anything like this before. Um, I'm really excited about it. The feedback I'm getting from women who are in it and have completed it is really good.
And basically it is a five day food journal that is going to [00:01:00] help you pinpoint and nail down the exact causes of your mindless eating, of your cravings, of feeling, like feeling shitty around food. And then you're gonna create a blueprint with the specific insights you learn from the journal. And. Skills that line up with those insights.
And what's really cool about this is the way that I break down the journal and the blueprint map that kind of outlines your plan is the what, when, where, why, and how of eating. That is kind of the structure of the whole thing. Really creating and identifying what's kind of like the plot line of why you are eating the way you're eating, of why you're feeling the way that you're feeling.
Right? Let's uncover, let's do some detective work and really dig into it instead of just slapping kind of a generic one size all. Cut out carbs, follow this 30 day meal plan. Follow this what I ate in a day, TikTok thing, which is easy and quick and in some ways feels good and like you're taking care of something.
Um, but when you've done that a whole [00:02:00] bunch of times and you keep ending back up where you are, sometimes you are ready for something different. And that's what this is. And it's free, which is really cool. Um, so there's a link to that in the show notes. You can sign up. Um. Let me know if you have questions.
Okay. So what I wanted to talk about today is maybe even a little bit along the lines of building off why I created the Food Behavior Blueprint, um, and how you are going to decide whether or not you wanna do it. And it's something I've been struggling with personally as it relates to kind of my business and where I'm getting sort of guidance and, uh, advice from.
And I've worked with a couple of different business coaches over the years, and they have been awesome. Um, I am winding down with one now, um, because I feel like I've learned everything that I need to learn and I feel ready to do some things on my own, but at the same time, it doesn't shut out all the outside noise.
And so the [00:03:00] thing that I wants to talk about, and not about me, but more about you who are listening in the context of, well, who do I listen to? Who do I follow? Who can I trust? There's so much conflicting information out there, and that's not new news like Right. We know that, and I've talked about this before, but because I was feeling it so acutely over the last couple weeks, it just gave me a good reminder of how acutely I know that you are feeling it.
When it comes to the subject matter of what I do. Um, because you follow me or you listen to my podcast and you probably also follow many, many other people in the space and listen to many, many other podcasts. And I guarantee you've heard me say something that is in direct opposition to something you've heard on another podcast, or same thing with social media or in an email and you're like, well, what's, what's accurate?
What's right? What do I do? And I've been asking myself that question a lot where I'm seeing business coaches online saying. Don't, [00:04:00] don't give away like tips and tricks. People don't want to hear, hear that. That feels desperate to them. Then other coaches saying, give away everything you know for free. You need to help people to build trust and that's what's gonna bring in sale, like literally totally opposing things.
Um, you know, get this download or buy this $22 course and you'll bring in 50 new followers in the next five days. Right. Or buy this a hundred dollars course that's gonna help you build out this program and you're gonna make $4,000 in the next month. Like all this like shit. And I'm like, how can this be real?
And they're showing testimonials, right? And it's like, well, they're showing these testimonials. Like are they, are they real? Like where did they get them from? It's did this, did this actually work for people? Did it work for everyone or did it work for four people and they're making it look like it worked for 400 or 4,000?
And it feels so hard to know, and I know you are experiencing this on your end with information around food and weight loss and protein and exercise and strength training and [00:05:00] menopause and weighted vests and walking and heart rate and step count. I know it. I know you are. And it sucks and it makes me so mad and frustrated that we are all going through this experience together.
It is. I have such a love hate, or I would say a like hate relationship with social media and this is where the real hate part comes in. Um. Yeah, because yeah, like everyone, there should be information and everyone should be able to choose what they wanna do. Yes. This isn't about that. It's about seeing so much conflicting information and figuring out how do I know what to believe?
How do I know who to listen to? And so I wanted to share kind of some questions I've been asking myself and how I have made those decisions both over the years. But also how I've quieted out some of the noise over the last few weeks as it's gotten super loud. Because you know what happens is as soon as you do one Google search or talk to a friend and your phone is in the vicinity of where you had that conversation, you start getting a crazy amount of ads on social media about whatever that [00:06:00] topic is, and those ads will have widely varying.
Information and you're like, I didn't sign up for this. I didn't ask for this. But then it's in your face and then you can't stop thinking about it, and then you click on it and that only fuels more and more stuff to be sent out in your direction. And it's like, oh my God, this is so fucking annoying. I actually got to a point where I had to start, you can click on the three dots in the corner of an ad and you can select like, I'm not interested, and it will start showing you less and less.
You can also shut off ads completely. There are some ads that I like, that I actually find are helpful not in this space around like certain products. If I'm looking for a product and I can't find it through like Google or whatever, I'll start getting ads for a lot more options and brands I'd never heard of.
And it's actually in some ways kind of cool. But that's, I'm actively seeking out those things when I'm not seeking out this, but it's being put in front of me. Um, or if I am seeking out something and there's things being put in front of me that just feel so like yucky and uncomfortable, but like also make my [00:07:00] brain go, what is that possible?
It's just like, it's so confusing. Okay. So I've got like a short list of questions here, or just like. I don't wanna say thought starters, but things to consider when you are following lots of people and seeing conflicting information and you're like, what the fuck? Who do I listen to? And this applies to me too, meaning as you evaluate what I am sharing, are those people only spelling out what you are doing wrong, right?
Are they only pointing out your pain points? Sometimes doing that can make you feel seen. Yeah, that person gets me. They've experienced this. But if that's all they ever do, if that's the only content they ever give, if that's what their ads are, primarily driving on or pointing out what you are doing wrong, that's kind of shitty to me.
That's like starting off like from like a really negative place. Are they telling you how quickly you can fix something and does it seem reasonable? [00:08:00] Right? Like. You know, 30 days to lose X amount of weight and change your relationship with food. No, I'm sorry. You're not gonna change your relationship with food in 30 days.
Um, like when I talk about the food behavior blueprint, like that's five days. I'm not saying in five days you're gonna change your relationship with food. In five days, you could identify some really big insights and figure out a plan and have a mapped out plan to address them. Are you going to have addressed them and quote, unquote, fix it all?
No fucking way. Can you create a plan in five days? Absolutely, yes. Right. Think about what these people are promising you and the reality of that, right? Like, you know, I was getting all these ads around, oh, work only like the, the four hour work week shit, right? Like, work four hours a week, week and make, you know, six figures or whatever.
It's, and I'm like, what? Like I'm sure there are people out there who do that, but there's no way that they are doing that with the type of integrity and in alignment with like. Having [00:09:00] some character and values, it just, it just doesn't add up, right? You don't just make money hand over fist without showing up and doing work.
Um, sorry, I had to take a drink. Do they offer you, do they offer things for you to try or only things to buy, right? Are they in their emails, in their podcasts, in their posts? Are they giving you. Are they giving their shit away for free? Meaning, are they giving away their knowledge? Are they giving away their coaching for free?
Are they teaching you, are they giving you things to try where you can go and experiment? Right? Like I do that all the time in my content. I give away all the stuff that I coach one-to-one. I basically give away for free on this podcast in my emails and in my Instagram. Whether or not you choose to do something with it that's on you.
But the. The prompts are there. The, the, the, the, the questions, the insights that you can [00:10:00] start to look at are there. Um, you know, coaching is kind of what closes the gap between knowing that stuff exists and actually following through on it. Um, but if the people never give you something, if they only tell you like what the benefit of their thing is, or they're only giving you something to buy, to pay money for, to me that's a red flag.
Like, I gotta build trust with someone. I wanna know that like. What they're teaching, what they're offering fits with me. I wanna try some of the things that they are offering to know, like, how does this work? Like what's their mo, how do they operate? Is this a good fit? Um, that's like a really big reason why I did Food Behavior Blueprint, right?
Which I've done freebies before, many of them workshops and emails, sequences and PDFs and all kinds of stuff. But this is no question the thing that is. It actually part of what we do in coaching, I'm literally giving you away kind of one of the first steps that we do in coaching completely for free with coaching from me, right?
So you submit that journal, and I'm reviewing it. I'm gonna send [00:11:00] you a, a video with my insight and input, um, and I'm doing that to build trust with you, to help you get some wins, to help you understand, well, when I go through this process, what do I learn? And to show you how this is different from everything you've done before and to get you results.
To get you insights, to get you an aha moment, and then to give you a plan to follow that builds on that aha moment. Um, so you, I think you wanna be looking for someone who is giving you some stuff away to let you try, let you experiment with, let you understand how they work. Um, if you have ever commented on one of their posts, sent them an email, DMD them, have they responded to you with something meaningful?
I am not talking just an emoji, I'm talking an actual meaningful response. Like, and it, you know, are these people engaging? Are they there, are they running their own social media? Like, that's not to say that people who don't run their own social media are bad or problematic, but like, what's the connection [00:12:00] there?
Like, are you working with that person or are you, or are you working with their team or their virtual assistant? Right? Like, what is the interaction there like. Social media is called social media for a reason, right? And the whole genesis behind it was this idea of connection and interaction. And when someone comments on one of my posts, I respond to every single comment.
There has never been a comment on one of my, one of my posts that I have not responded to. Um, and I try to add value wherever I can. If people ask questions, I'll give away like free advice or tips or answer their questions or let them know that like, yes, me too. I've been there. Right? Sometimes it's just about connection and feeling seen.
So what has been your interaction with that person on social media? What has been the nature of it? Um, do they challenge you or do they just tell you what you think you want to hear? Right. Are they just confirming your biases? Do they make you uncomfortable at all? Do they make you rethink some of the things that you have?
Always Thoughts? Do they get you thinking and thinking? Not in a scared, [00:13:00] afraid, um, fear-based urgency way. But in a, um, a positive, curious, wondering, um, kind of way, and you will know the difference, right? You will feel if you are thinking and questioning things outta fear or you questioning and thinking out of abundance.
And because you will know, like how it makes you feel and being, having someone challenge you and make you uncomfortable, I think is, is important. If you only. If they're just confirming your biases and constantly telling you what you want to hear, that's not always gonna be the thing that you need. And this, this gets like a little bit muddy and, and could probably be like its own whole separate podcast, but I would really, you know, again, I'm gonna repeat what I said like a minute or so ago, but when they, when they challenge you, when they say things, does it make you.
Question things in a [00:14:00] curious way in with more of an abundance mindset in a, is this going to help me, support me? Is this gonna help me learn? Am I going to get curious? Am I going to grow or am I questioning what I'm doing? 'cause I feel threatened or scared? Are they, is it going back to the first thing I talked about?
Are they only spelling out what you're doing wrong? Um. So I would definitely be paying attention to to, to that. Right? Whether they're just feeding you what you wanna hear or are they challenging you and giving you some new things to think about. Are they telling you that this is the only way to do something?
Now, I will be totally honest and say that over the years that I have taught yoga and coached and been on social media, there have absolutely been times where I have said this is the only way to do this, and I would take that back. Um, this is me evolving and growing as a coach. Um, there are pretty much, almost always more than one way into a challenge, to a problem.[00:15:00]
Um, are there, are there standards, are there best practices for things? Absolutely, yes. Is there only one way to go into those standards or best practices? No, there are many ways. I think protein is like such a great example of this, right? Where, um, you know. You have to eat 120 grams of protein a day. It is the only way you are going to reduce your cravings.
It's the only way you're gonna lose weight. It's the only way you're gonna stop snacking. Is eating protein gonna play a role in those things? A hundred percent. Is eating 120 grams a day. The only way For some people, yes. For other people, no. Um, is eating. Is dividing that up over your three meals. The only way to do that, no.
Is eating a little bit of protein in the morning and a lot at night gonna be better for some people. Yes, there is. I hate this expression. I'm going to use it anyway. For lack of anything else. There's more than one way to skin a cat. And so if you find that someone is telling you this is the only way to do [00:16:00] this, this is a must have, you have to do this.
I would just notice that. Notice the context in which they're doing that. How does it make you feel? Right? Does it make you feel scared? Does it freak you out? Does it make you worried that you're doing something wrong? Does it make you feel like, oh my God, I don't know if I can do that. Like that doesn't feel like it's for me, but maybe I have to do that, right?
Like, you're gonna get a vibe sometimes that's like a weird word. Um, if that person makes you feel good and makes you feel seen and supported, and you feel like you trust them and you're learning from them. Or are they creating urgency? Are they making you feel scared, like you're doing everything wrong?
Um, like there's urgency and there's scarcity, and if you don't change this right now, you're gonna screw up. And every day is like another day lost. And this is the only way. And if you don't do it this way, then you're screwed forever. Um, there's a big difference in those two types of messaging and paying attention to that will give you really good insight into who you want to and can trust and who you [00:17:00] can't.
And who you wanna follow and who you wanna give your time, energy, attention, and possibly money to. Um, right. Money is not the only commodity here, right? Your time, energy, and attention have a lot of value. And how much of that are you giving to people that are making you feel shitty? Um, just because they're promising you something that feels like a quick fix.
Um, sometimes there's value in quick fixes, right? But how is that quick fix being delivered? So. I hope this is helpful. I know it's like maybe a little bit heady, um, but I think it's meaningful and I think more and more it's just getting harder and harder out there to know who to listen to, to know who to trust, and know who to give your attention to.
And I think we have to be really, um, I think we have to do some critical thinking and I think we have to pay attention and I think we have to be really thoughtful. And so I wanted to share that from a personal standpoint. That's something I've been going through. But then also to share it for you as you evaluate and make decisions around who you wanna follow and who you wanna listen to in [00:18:00] this eating, wellness movement, exercise, protein, weight loss space, but then also in lots of other areas too, right?
Obviously it doesn't just apply to this. So that's all I got. Um, thanks for being here as always. I'll be back next week.