episode 235: how to sit in the suck
Ever feel like you’re stuck between two shitty choices? Like…either you diet yourself into misery to lose weight, or stay exactly where you are and but have to deal with the discomfort of being in a body you aren’t happy with?
In this episode, I’m breaking down the idea that discomfort is inevitable—but you do get to choose which discomfort moves you closer to who you want to be and which one moves you further away.
We’ll talk about:
✨ The sneaky ways “I’ll be happier when I’m thinner” thinking shows up—even when you know better
✨ Why eating cookies isn’t inherently “bad”—but sometimes the reason you’re eating them is
✨ A simple exercise (literally drawing a fork in the road) to get clear on which action is truly in alignment with your values
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235
[00:00:00] Hey friends. Welcome back to the Diet Diaries. Let's see, this episode is gonna come out on Monday, July 7th. Um, I'm recording on Wednesday, July 2nd. If we, uh, are friends on Instagram or you read my emails and you know that I have been dealing with Vertigo, I'm hopeful by the time this episode comes out, I will be.
Better. I don't know a hundred percent. I, I don't know what's realistic. Um, but what's pretty interesting is it's Wednesday, this started happening Friday morning is like, I'm getting really good at dealing with it. It's pretty amazing the ways in which the human body can adapt and work around things. Um, I know what movements trigger it and what don't, and I've learned how to move my body in ways to accommodate that, um, so that I can function.
Because the first three days I was laid out on the couch. I did not leave the house. [00:01:00] I barely moved. Um, because it was just so unfamiliar and so unsettling. But now it's like, okay, I, I'm getting treatment. Like, I'm not just like waiting for this to go away, but, um, based on a couple of like logistical things, right, the treatment just also just like takes some time and sometimes like needs repetition.
Um, so I've had to adapt. Um, and so I've been able to function like pretty well. Um. Which is kind of cool. It's like this weird way. I'm like sort of getting used to it. Um, and I feel like when it's gone I'm gonna be like, holy shit. This is what it feels like to be normal. Anyway, um, I'm gonna keep this episode or try to keep this episode pretty short today.
Um, just 'cause I, I love short podcast episodes and it's summer and I have vertigo and, you know, we all have shit to do. And the thing I wanted to talk about, I've had a note written to do a podcast about for over a month. For some reason I kept pushing it aside and then the same thing came up again today with another client.
So I, it had come up from a conversation I had with a client, which [00:02:00] often happens for podcast ideas. Um, and then it came up again today, and it's something that really comes up all the time. But I'm like, okay, boom. This is what I'm gonna talk about today. And that is, I talk about discomfort a lot. Right.
Getting comfortable with discomfort. Uh, change only happens with discomfort. Um, and how to deal with discomforts. Comfort happens in all different ways, sizes, shapes, formats, situations. Um, we have discomfort when we are stressed out and we want to eat something right? That's a really uncomfortable feeling.
And eating gives us relief, right? We have discomfort when we are practicing a new skill or trying to, uh, create a new habit. And it's unfamiliar and we have to remember to do it, and it feels like something new to have to do. There's discomfort there. Um, when we have like, uh, body noise or food noise in our heads and we're going through this endless cycle of talking to ourselves about how gross and disgusting we are and how much better our lives would be if we were just smaller and skinnier, right?
That is uncomfortable. And so, um, what the [00:03:00] conversation that I had had with this client that I had with another client today was very much about figuring out. What actions they want to take in order to move forward. Um, because very often there's often, like, there's all these like forks in the road as we're doing work on ourselves, and there are actions that are going to bring us closer to who we are and who we wanna be.
And there are actions that are gonna take us farther away. But sometimes it's very easy to get those confused. Um, the conversation that I had with, uh, the client today, um, was around this feeling, this noise that perpetually that she's had for a very, very long time. That, um, if I lose 10 to 15 pounds, I will be smaller, I will be thinner, I will be happier, I will like how I look better and just life will just be easier in general.
And at the same time, knowing that. For her, for her life, for her [00:04:00] circumstances, for where her body's at, in order to lose 10 or 15 pounds, she would have to engage in behaviors that she knows would be unhealthy, self-destructive, and not good for her. And so it's like, okay, well, well what do I do? What kind of discomfort am I gonna cope with?
Am I gonna sit in the discomfort of restricting food and, um, punishing myself for eating and, uh, lowering my calorie intake and doing all these behaviors that will feel extremely uncomfortable in order to lose weight and then be smaller? Or am I gonna sit in the discomfort of keeping my body eating and exercising in a way that keeps my body where it's at?
But that actually feels good. But then I mentally have to deal with the discomfort of where my body is right now and how am I gonna work through that, right? So there's discomfort in both places, but which of those discomforts is more in alignment with my values is more in alignment with how I wanna take care of myself, what it means to be compassionate with myself, and which [00:05:00] one of those is not in alignment with that.
And in some cases the answer's not always clear, and in some cases it is. In this case, the answer for her was very clear. And so I wanted to talk about this because we so often get focused on kind of like externally driven goals around weight loss, around size, around that we think we'll be happier when we are smaller, skinnier, thinner.
And we go after it at all costs. And we are not at all thinking about the behaviors and actions we have to do along the way to get there. And whether those behaviors and actions are in alignment with how we wanna take care of ourselves and what really matters to us. Um, and whether the discomfort that that brings up is, um, moving me.
Farther to where moving me farther away from who I am and where I wanna be, or closer to who I am and where [00:06:00] I wanna be. And I think this is a really helpful question to pause and check in. And I think it's a very, I think we know the answer. The answer is not always comfortable. The answer is not always what we want it to be, but we know the answer.
Okay. And then kind of the next step is, well, how do I take action on that? Right? How do I choose to sit in the discomfort of something that doesn't get me the immediate fix that I'm after, that doesn't get me the external fix that I'm after, um, because it's a different type of work. Um, so this, this is, I think, a really big question and something that comes up a lot in terms of weight loss.
Um, and this is not me saying I, this has nothing to do with whether weight loss is good or bad. This is about whether weight loss. This is very personalized there. So there's no one size fits all answer to this. This is based on your life, your lifestyle, your history, your preferences, your goals, your um, your health and wellbeing, where your [00:07:00] body is at, what you are experiencing in your body, right?
And knowing whether pursuing weight loss. Is, and the actions that you will need to do to pursue that, is that bringing you closer to who you are and who you want to be and in alignment with your values? Or is it moving you farther away from who you are, who you wanna be, and taking you out of alignment with your values?
Um, and again, there's no one size fits all answer there. It is highly dependent, but it is a very important question to check in and ask yourself. Right. Um. It's, it can also be used in more of like micro situations, right? Like, um, you know, it's three o'clock and you're really stressed out at work and you just want to go and like eat the leftover cookies that are sitting in your kitchen from your barbecue this weekend.
And you're thinking about them, you're thinking about them, you're thinking about them, and you're like, oh my God, it would just feel so good. I really want those, right? A lot. There's discomfort that's coming up. You are feeling a lot of discomfort and [00:08:00] eating those cookies would feel good. It would provide relief from that discomfort.
But is, is that action to relieve that discomfort bringing you? Is that you taking care of yourself, is that in alignment with your values? Is that moving you closer to where you want to go, or is sitting in the discomfort of having that urge of feeling stressed out at work and having a tool to navigate through it?
Whether it's like. Um, some type of a scheduled break or a breathing exercise, or a somatic movement exercise, or there's so many, you know, tools that we can experiment with in that space. Does that, is that more in alignment with how you wanna take care of yourself? Is that moving you closer to where you want to go?
Right. There's discomfort either way. You are sitting in the shit either way, right? And maybe just calling it discomfort gets obnoxious. Like it's sitting in the suck. I've had clients call it Sit in the suck, sit in the shit. It's shitty. It's annoying, it sucks. Okay. Let's just like be blunt about it, but [00:09:00] again, which one of those choices is moving you closer to where you want to go and which one is moving you farther away?
I would say in that situation where you're. Like stressed out about work and feeling really shitty that most of the time eating the cookies is moving you farther away. That doesn't mean that eating cookies in any situation is always moving you farther away. If your best friend makes the most amazing cookies and she brings them over for you, fuck yeah.
Eating those cookies to me is moving you closer to who you wanna be because you are enjoying that food and you are using those cookies in the way they are meant to be used, which is for pleasure and enjoyment, right? This isn't about the cookies themselves, it's about why you're eating the cookies, right?
And if you are having a shitty day and you want to eat cookies to make yourself feel better and you have a couple of skills and you are learning how to sit in the discomfort of that and let the, the, that urge kind of crest and rise and fall and you can work through that, how is that serving you in the long run?
How is that moving you closer to where you wanna [00:10:00] go and how you wanna be able to feel around food? Maybe, maybe that is playing a role in weight loss. 'cause it does for a lot of people, right? So that's why these things get like very nuanced. So again, the question to ask is, which discomfort do I wanna sit in?
Which shit do I wanna sit in? Do I wanna sit in the one? It's not even, which, it's identifying which one is moving me closer to where I wanna go, and which one is moving me farther away from where I want to go. And there are these constant little forks in the road. There can be little forks in the road within one situation, right?
Maybe you're feeling really shitty in the afternoon at work, and there's a box of cookies and you decide to have one. Right. Maybe one is moving you closer to where you wanna go, but having the entire box wouldn't be right. So maybe it's not about not having the cookies or having the cookies, it's about having the cookies in a very specific, intentional, deliberate way, right?
So you can imagine, I, I visualize these little forks, right? If you remember, I feel like an an econ, we used to do this when I was in college. Or like, there's different like math type of problems where you're constantly [00:11:00] drawing these little like little triangle forks, right? And they're constantly splitting off and one splits off, and then the split of that splits off and the split of that splits off even like a, maybe like a, like a family tree kind of thing.
Maybe that's not like the right visual, but it's like there's always these constant little choices. And I think a really helpful check-in is I. Which one of these is moving me closer to who I wanna be and what I'm working on, and which one of these is moving me farther away? And again, it's not about picking the quote right one all the time, but if you were to look back at all of your little forks in the road, would more of them be moving you in the direction you wanna go?
Or would more of them be moving you away? Um, maybe. I'm even wondering as I'm sitting here, maybe it's helpful to even like as you're sitting there trying to decide writing it down, right, draw your little fork. If you're watching this on YouTube, write. And what I mean by a fork is, I really mean just like top of a triangle, right?
Two lines coming together on an angle, out towards the sides. Um, no bottom and writing. What one option is under one line and what one option is under [00:12:00] the other line, right? And you're seeing them visually go in different directions and which direction do you want to go? Which direction is serving you?
Which direction is moving you closer to who you wanna be and what matters to you? And which one isn't? It. Um, that could also be a really helpful pause and check in because getting out of our heads, whether it's through talking or writing, journaling, is really, really helpful. It's hard to make a decision and work through some of this stuff when it's only ever in your head.
Uh, putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard can be really, really useful to make sense of things. So that's what I wanted to share today. Um. Also five day food behavior blueprint. They're coming in and I'm reading through them and giving feedback to people and it's really cool to see the aha moments that are coming in after five days of food journaling.
Um, the insights around what I'm doing and how it's connecting back to like the shit I've been struggling with. And being able to self-identify, oh, I get it now. I'm putting the pieces together. These are the changes I [00:13:00] need to be making around how big my meals are, around how many times I'm snacking a day around where I'm having my snacks around, the types of snacks that I'm having around what's really worth it and what's really not worth it.
And then I'm going through and sending back videos to validate, walk through it, take your insights and help crystallize them and solidify them and help them get even more specific so it feels really, really actionable. It's super fun on my end. It's really cool. I think this is no question like the coolest freebie I've ever created.
It's on my website. I'll put a link in the show notes. Um, so if you're interested, hop in and, uh, thanks for being here more soon. I.