episode 211: the myth of the goal weight
In today’s episode, I’m diving into the uncomfortable truth about what it really costs to chase that magic number on the scale. If you’ve ever thought, “I’m happiest at this weight, but it’s impossible to stay there,” then buckle up—this is for you.
We’re breaking down why sacrificing your mental and emotional well-being for a clothing size or scale number isn’t just unsustainable—it’s robbing you of true happiness. I’ll share what it means to find your best weight, where food feels easy, your mind feels free, and your body feels good.
✨ What you’ll hear:
Why “happiness” tied to a number is a lie—and what’s actually keeping you stuck.
The red flags that signal your weight loss approach isn’t sustainable.
How to finally feel at ease around food without tracking every bite.
What it really takes to align your goals with your values (hint: it’s not another diet).
And, come join me for Coaching Office Hours this Friday Jan 17 from 10-1130am EST. Come get your questions answered (for free!) by someone you trust instead of watching another what I eat in a day Tik Tok video and hoping for the best.
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211 - 1:7:25, 3.36 PM
[00:00:00] Welcome to The Diet Diaries, a podcast where we have candid, heartfelt conversations that will help you figure out what, why, and how to eat so you can feel amazing in your body. Because it's time to break the all or nothing mindset of yo yo dieting, food obsession, and feeling ruled by the scale. I'm your host, body image and nutrition coach Jordana Edelstein.
I'm so happy you're here.
Thanks for listening to The Diet Diaries today. This episode is coming out on Monday, January 13th. Quick announcements as I'm recording this on Monday, Jan, is today Monday, January 6th? Yeah, I haven't even talked about this yet. Um, it's so weird to look at this weird like time travel aspect, not time travel, but you get what I mean with these podcast recordings and when I record them when they come out.
Um, I'm doing something I've never done before. This Friday, January 17th, 10 a. m. Eastern Standard Time. I am [00:01:00] doing a coaching office hour and it is free. What does this mean? It means you sign up and you show up at the office hour just like you would in like high school, college, whatever, with your questions around whatever you need help with.
Um. Thank you. Take care. I'm going to send out a Zoom link to the folks who register and come and have your specific questions ready to go and I will answer them. You can come and stay on for the entire time and listen to other people's questions. There's probably a lot, not probably, there's a lot of value in that because other people will also have questions that you have and vice versa.
Or you can pop on. Answer your question and leave. Um, it's gonna be like first come first serve, right? And so if five people show up at 10 a. m. Eastern, we'll just kind of go in order and yeah, I'm gonna stay on for about an hour, an hour and a half and that's really it. Anything nutrition related, behavior related, exercise, body image, getting dressed, um, All the things.
Protein, how much do I [00:02:00] need, portions, weight loss, um, anything. Really anything and everything is fair game for this. Um, so there will be a link in the show notes to sign up for that. You have to be registered. I'm not gonna, the Zoom link is only gonna go to the people who have signed up for this. Um, if you have friends or anyone that you think would be interested, feel free to pass it along.
Um, all are welcome, but I do need to have an idea of how many people are coming in advance. And I am going to record it. So if you have a question and want to join but can't, you can sign up, email me your question, and I will talk it through, and then you can watch the recording, which is pretty cool. Okay, so here's what I want to talk about today.
I am talking today about a DM that I got from someone at this point, I don't know, probably, it could be like two months ago, I don't even remember. Um, not someone I've ever worked with, not someone that I really know or have a relationship with. And she sent me a message, and she said I am happiest at a certain weight, and I don't even remember if she said what [00:03:00] the weight was, but it is impossible for me to stay there.
What do I do? And, look, she's someone DMing me, so I'm not gonna get into a coaching session with her, um, but what I shared a little bit with her, and what I will talk through here in much, kind of, greater detail, is what What are you sacrificing in order to be at a certain weight? And I think this is so timely for this time of year where you know There's even if you're trying to kind of stay away from like the new year new you lose weight.
This is it This is your chance kind of thing. It's still there. You're still seeing it It still crosses your mind in some way And so I've talked about this before but this this question was so I mean god, it really it broke my heart. Um, You That if you are sacrificing your emotional or mental well being to be at a certain weight, that's [00:04:00] not a weight for you, right?
I've talked about this in terms of like a goal weight versus like ideal weight or goal weight versus best weight, like your best weight. is where you feel at ease around food, not where you are restricting, feeling obsessed, constantly tracking, weighing, measuring, um, have really crazy amounts of food noise going on.
And that, for most people, means you are not going to be at your, quote, goal or your ideal weight. Because our goal or ideal weights are completely disconnected from what our bodies actually need and what our minds and our hearts actually need. And so this starts to like really get into a conversation also around like internal and external values and kind of expectations.
And what is it It's kind of like almost an oxymoron to say I'm happiest at this weight, but it's impossible to stay there. Well, then are you actually happy? Like what is happiness then? Happiness then sounds like I see this number on the [00:05:00] scale and I fit into whatever clothes, but I'm internally miserable.
So externally the way my body looks is bringing me some level of happiness, but internally the way I feel inside of my mind mentally and emotionally is a shitshow. That's not happiness, friends. That is not happiness. That is a recipe for disaster. And if you have suffered from any type of disordered eating, you know exactly what I am talking about.
Um, and so this is where goal weights and numbers just become so messy and tricky and complicated because they are completely divorced from and have no connection to what actually works in our own bodies. Um, and It's just, this is something you need to look at inside of yourself. And I am calling it out because it's so important.
It's something so many of us have struggled with and suffered from. [00:06:00] And this could be a weight. This could be a clothing size. This could be like a body measurement. This could show up in a lot of different ways. I want to fit into a size 6. I want to fit into a size 2. I want to fit into a size 10.
Whatever it is for you. Um, it's like, well, What are you doing to get there? Um, and if, if, if you are any of these things, right, constantly for, and now I mean extended periods of time, obsessively tracking, weighing, and measuring food, um, constantly thinking about food, panicking if you have to go out to eat or go someplace where you don't know what the menu is going to be, or you go someplace to something and serve that feels outside of what you are allowed to have.
Um, using exercise to burn off calories, restricting certain foods out of your diet, um, on repeat, jumping from diet to diet, um, just feeling a extreme sense of stress and obsession around food. Now, this isn't to say that you shouldn't be thinking about food at all. We [00:07:00] all think about food. We all have a certain level of food noise.
That's normal. I've done a whole podcast about that. I'm not going to get into that here.
You are feeling stressed, and anxious, and unhappy, and overwhelmed, and panicked in any way because of what you are or aren't eating. And you know that your mental health and your emotional well being is not where you want it to be or where it should be, then you are not acting in service of your health and well being.
and that clothing size or that number on the scale. is not going to do anything for you, right? That is not going to bring you happiness. So the size and shape of your body when you feel at ease around food, when you know how to create and eat meals that are nourishing, satisfying, and satiating, [00:08:00] when you know how to have sweets around without binging on them, when you don't live with that feeling of I can't have that in the house or I'm going to eat the whole cake, um, when you have situations where you overeat, um, And it doesn't turn into a quote, I fell off the wagon, or into a binge, you just kind of keep going with what was working the next meal, the next day, whatever it is.
Um, The size and shape that you are, when you have consistency with those behaviors, that is your best weight, your best size. Because there is a link up between your mental and emotional self and your physical self. And it takes a lot of work to get there, but this is something that is just super, super important.
So if you are someone who is currently wanting to lose some weight, is working on it, is contemplating it, whatever it is, Really think about this [00:09:00] and think about the approach that you are going to take for that and what, if any, sacrifices are you making in order to do that? And how is that impacting your emotional and mental well being?
And are you prioritizing the size and shape of your body and the Uh, quantitative measurements that kind of benchmark that, be it the scale, be it a clothing size, be it a tape measure, over how you feel kind of as a person and how you move through the world and how you show up. Um, yeah, I think that's really everything I wanted to say about this.
I've had this as a note to do as a podcast for quite some time. Um, and other things just kept coming up, but I think it's kind of fortuitous that it ended up being now, kind of, in January, when this is often top of mind. And this is not me saying that you cannot want to lose weight. You guys know I, I will help people with [00:10:00] fat loss.
Like this is not that. This is about having complete clarity around your values and how the actions that you are taking around food line up with how you are taking care of yourself. Um, because there is a way. to work on fat loss without making any sacrifices to your emotional or mental well being. Um, based on different histories and certain things, like, yes, there are different situations where working on fat loss for certain folks at different times is not beneficial.
That's not to say that it can never be beneficial, but there, there is some nuance there. Um, but for most people, there is a way to do that, but it's not a way that you have ever done before. Um, And it is about adding food instead of subtracting food. It is about paying attention to what feels good for you and your body, and what it feels like to be full, and what it feels like to be hungry, and what foods make you feel that way.
And to really [00:11:00] work on like cravings, and snacking, and emotional eating, and all these things, which I'm not going to get into. But all this to say that I want to be really clear, this is not me saying that it's, you cannot want to lose weight. No, I, you guys know that's not my thing at all. What I am saying.
is if you are someone who is prioritizing a number as a goal and you find yourself, you notice yourself sacrificing your mental and emotional well being and knowing that it's impossible to stay at that weight, that's a problem. If you keep losing weight and hitting your goal weight and then gaining the weight back, there's something going on there.
That is not the weight that is meant for you. Because if you can't maintain that, There's a reason you can't maintain it, and that's because you are doing something that is unsustainable, that your brain cannot tolerate for long periods of time. Right? It's too extreme. So we need to like [00:12:00] totally shift the way that you are looking at the situation and at the goals that you have.
Um, okay. That's what I got for you. So again, if you want to come to Coaching Office Hours on Friday. Link in the show notes, sign up and I'll see you next week.