episode 156: what to do when you don’t want to do what you need to do
Episode 156 is a shortie but a goodie.
I really didn’t want to record today’s episode. I wasn’t in the mood and just did not feel like it.
AND.
I did it anyway.
And I realized that I needed to talk about how and why I did it because this is at the core of why change is so hard.
We very often just don’t feel like doing what we need to do—the things that we KNOW are good for us yet just can’t seem to make happen.
So in this episode I talk about why that happens and what to do about it. I talked about how I got myself to record the podcast when every bone in my body said no.
The main skill I talk about 100% carries over to changes you want to make around food, body confidence and exercise.
So if you’ve been struggling to lose weight without counting calories, get to the gym, go to bed on time, meal prep, eat more protein, spend less time on social media—literally ANYTHING—this episode will help you figure out WHY and tell you exactly what to do about it.
Episode 145 is another awesome resource for behavior change around weight loss and body confidence.
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[00:00:00] Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Diet Diaries. I can't remember what episode it is. Maybe 156. I should have checked, but I forgot. Either way, it doesn't really matter. I don't know why I always feel the need to say what episode number it is. Um, It's crazy that there's been that many. We are coming up in the next week or two on the three year anniversary of the Diet Diaries, which was formerly called the Movement Diaries, if you have been a long time listener, I changed the name about a year ago, um, to kind of reflect the evolution of my work and coaching and more of what we talk about here.
[00:00:42] So real talk, uh, I'm recording this on Monday, November 27th. It's the Monday after the Thanksgiving kind of long weekend. And I am not in the mood to record this today. I'm keeping it real with you guys. I had a whole topic planned out for today around body image. I had notes made and I looked at it and I'm like, Oh my God, I do not want to talk about this today.
[00:01:01] I don't want to record this. I don't have the energy. Like, it's just something that takes a lot of energy and kind of insight and thought. So I'm like, it's Monday and I pretty much always record on Mondays and I would never not. Publish a podcast, right? I'm a week in advance. So today's episode, um, is with my former client, Carissa.
[00:01:23] So, but I have to get next week's done. Um, but I'm like not in the mood. I'm like, what am I going to do? And then I was like, you know what? I'm going to talk about not being in the mood. I'm going to keep it real with you guys. Because it actually is like a very kind of real life in the moment example of.
[00:01:43] what this work is. And when I say this work, whether you're talking about exercise or food or how you talk to yourself when you're getting dressed or when you look in the mirror, there's going to be a lot of times where you don't feel like doing the thing that you need to do, right? I record this podcast every Monday.
[00:02:01] I publish an episode every Monday. In the last three years, I have skipped maybe three total weeks, I think, Because this podcast is very important to me personally, it's important to me because the way it helps me connect with you, and it's important to me because I know it's a resource to the people who listen, who are relying on it as a way to get support and stay connected and feel seen and heard.
[00:02:21] And so, even though I don't feel like doing it, I'm gonna do it anyway. Right? We have to show up and stay consistent, even when it's inconvenient, even when we don't feel like it. Because if we just only did the things That we needed to do or wanted to do when we felt like it, we would literally never do that, right?
[00:02:43] We would always take kind of the easier way, the way that takes less effort. That's just not realistic. And so often with like food and exercise, Look, I don't feel like it. I don't feel like meal prepping. I don't feel like eating protein. I don't feel like planning out. I don't feel like going to the store.
[00:02:59] I don't feel like making veggies. I don't, I don't feel like, I don't feel like, I feel, I want just, I just want to go to like the drive thru. I just want to go pick up a sandwich. I just want to like eat the snacks that are in the cabinet. Me too, all right? Me too, guys. Like, I'm with you. I didn't feel like recording this podcast today.
[00:03:15] I am doing it anyway because it's in alignment with my values, right? I talk about that a lot and sometimes I feel like I don't do a great job of explaining what that means. And I was like, this is a great example, right? I am showing up and I am recording this podcast today for all the reasons I listed out like three minutes ago.
[00:03:32] It's important to me because it's an important part of my work. It's important to me that I know I'm showing up for my community of people. Like, I know the podcast is a little one sided, but I know there's listeners. I know you guys are out there, like, and so I have a relationship with you. I feel connected to you, and I value that.
[00:03:52] That means something to me. And so I am going to put out a podcast for you because I care about you, because I care about this work, and because We can't just do things when we feel like it. Like, literally, like, nothing would ever get done. Um, it would be totally against my values of around my work ethic, around community, around connection, to just not do a podcast.
[00:04:18] Like, I don't feel like I'm just not gonna do it. Like, no, that's not, you know, and yeah, is there sometimes when I need a break and want a break? Yes, of course. That wasn't today was about. This wasn't like, oh my God, I need a break. This is like, I'm just not in the mood to do this, right? And you know, you have to know yourself, right?
[00:04:34] There's a difference between being like, you know what, I need a few days off of working out or, um, I am so exhausted. I just can't get to the store. And there's a difference between that and saying, I just don't feel like it. Right? You know the difference. And that's what self compassion is about, right?
[00:04:50] It's accepting the things that we need to kind of hold space for and maybe can't control, and then it's taking action on the things that we can control, right? So I didn't feel like talking about what I had planned today. The other alternative to that, it's not just do that or do nothing, right? I showed up and I'm like, I can talk about something.
[00:05:10] I can show up. I'm going to keep it super short, hopefully. I always say that and I never do. Just because I don't feel like talking about what I had planned for today doesn't mean I am NOT going to show up and talk about NOTHING. Right? I'm here. I'm talking about really in this moment, this lived experience that I'm having and how I'm working through it.
[00:05:27] And I'm working through it not by like, being rigid with myself, not by being unkind to myself, not by saying like, Oh my God, right there you go. You're so lazy. Like you're such a loser. If you don't do this, like, Oh my God, not by being mean to myself, but by thinking about my values and thinking about why this podcast is important to me.
[00:05:45] And that is what got me to do it. And so when you are struggling with the things that you don't feel like doing, whether it's doing your workout. or meal prepping for the week, or getting protein on your plate, or not, you know, going to the cabinet and grabbing snacks like every, every moment that you feel the urge, you've got to pause and think about like, why am I doing or not doing this thing, right?
[00:06:07] Whatever the thing is. Right? And how am I going to feel when I do or don't do this? And like, what is this really connected back to? Right? Like, if you skip a workout because you don't feel like it, like, that's not in alignment with your values of, of like, of self care or health or kindness or commitment or whatever your values are, right?
[00:06:26] It's just like, I don't feel like it. And then you're going to feel like shit. Um, if I had not recorded a podcast today and skipped an episode because I didn't feel like it, I would have felt... terrible. Um, I would have felt terrible because I let myself down. I would have felt terrible because I let the people that I have created and, and share a community with, I would have let them down.
[00:06:48] Like, and that's not cool. Um, we have to have discipline. We have to have structure, right? Like I record podcast episodes on Mondays. Yeah. Sometimes I'll change the day. Definitely. If I need to, like I'll give myself flexibility. Um, But tomorrow I have a really packed day of client calls and volunteering.
[00:07:04] And on Wednesdays, I edit, right? So I know that I need to get these things done. This is how my schedule goes. I work for myself. There's no one on top of me saying, Jordana, you got to do this. Like I create that for myself. So that structure is very important. Um, And structure is important, right? Like, go to the store on Sundays, meal prep as soon as you get home, whatever it is, right?
[00:07:24] You work out Monday, Wednesday, Friday morning, right? Not just on the days that you feel like it or don't feel like it, right? You're likely to never do it. Um, things that take effort, that take work, that take time, that take energy are naturally going to be harder to do, right? It's not hard to sit on the couch and watch Netflix.
[00:07:42] It's not hard to like scroll on your phone and online shop or like. You know, get sucked into the black hole of Instagram. No, because it doesn't take a lot of effort or energy. It ends up using up a lot of mental energy that we then, then it's like we don't, then we don't want to go do the things we're actually need to do that would help us because we've kind of wasted some of that mental energy on some of that stuff, which is sort of an interesting, a little bit of a sidebar.
[00:08:06] Um, but. You've got to show up for yourself even when you don't feel like it. That's really the bottom line. And how do you do that? Again, you don't do that by being mean to yourself, by calling yourself names, by punishing yourself. And you don't always do it... It's finding that balance between what is structure and what is rigidity, right?
[00:08:29] Yes, I almost always record on Mondays, but some days I'll move the day if I want to. Again, it's being honest with yourself and knowing the difference between like... I really need a break. I'm exhausted. I need some time off and the difference between that and I'm not in the mood I don't feel like it. They are not the same thing and you have to get brutally honest with yourself about that If you are constantly saying to yourself, like I don't feel like meal prepping.
[00:08:53] I don't feel like going to the store I don't feel like eating protein. I don't feel like thinking about protein then you can't be upset when nothing ever changes. Like, I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. Like, you've got to show up for yourself, even when you don't feel like it. Hard stop. And the way you do that, again, is by getting really honest with yourself about whether you don't feel like it, or there's something else going on, and assuming that it's that you don't feel like it, which is what the issue is most of the time, you've got to be clear on what your values are, right?
[00:09:25] And this isn't like you have to have a whole like, you know, Well, I really value commitment and generosity and kindness, like, no. You need to know your three core values about what makes you, you. Right? I've talked about this, I've done other episodes about this, right? If you know, let's say you want, you're working on fat loss, okay?
[00:09:47] You know, if you're listening to me, you know, I'm gonna, protein is gonna be part of that. Okay, right? Having protein at as many meals as possible is gonna be part of that. If you are not willing to go to the store to get that stuff or you don't want to take the time to kind of like, plan out or think about like, what are kind of, you know, two or three lunches I'm gonna have this week because you don't feel like it, then you can't be upset when you're not losing that.
[00:10:14] Um, and I kind of just went like a little bit of tangents. I was talking about values. I'm gonna pull it back into that. But if you're saying you want to lose fat, and you know these are the things you need to do, and you don't do them, then that's not valuing your self care. It's not valuing your health.
[00:10:30] It's not valuing your commitment that you've made to yourself or self kindness. I mean, you could really like connect it back to any, really to like almost any value, to trusting yourself, to being honest with yourself, right? You do the things you don't feel like doing because they are connected back to who you are and how you want to be showing up as a person.
[00:10:48] Right? Like to your integrity, to your character, right? If it was about someone else, you'd show up for them, right? You'd be much less likely to let someone else down, but we're happy to let ourselves down left and right when we're not in the mood to do the thing that we need to do. So you've got to get clear on your values and you've got to use them as a check in.
[00:11:05] And when you notice yourself, you catch yourself saying, I don't feel like doing that, that's where you've got to pause and say, hold on a second. Like, if I don't do this, how am I going to feel? I've got to do it anyway, because this is what's important to me, and this is how I'm going to make progress. And it doesn't have to be 100 percent of the time, but it's got to be consistent, right?
[00:11:26] And consistent is most of the days, most of the time. Um, so if you are not getting. the outcome that you want if you are working on fat loss or you are working on, you know, maybe you've got like high cholesterol or high blood pressure and you're exercising more like zone 2 stuff and you're trying to work on like improving your biomarkers or um, you are really unhappy with your body image and you're like speaking really mean to yourself and you're hating getting dressed and you're not like working on the skills that go with that, you're not getting the outcomes that you want.
[00:11:55] You need to look at how often you're doing the things you know you need to be doing and if they're not that often Why are they not that often? Yeah, you're not gonna feel like doing it. Most of the time you're not gonna feel like doing the thing and So that kind of brings up another conversation of well, how can we make it more enjoyable?
[00:12:15] I actually really love doing this podcast this very rarely happens, but sometimes it does but there are gonna be things that do come up more often. I don't always feel like doing my workouts. I don't always feel like, you know, going to the store and like shopping for protein and making sure I have my stuff around.
[00:12:30] But I have certain things that are automated, which makes it easier. Again, these are all like separate topics. But really, because I want to wrap this up and keep it short. What I really wanted to just share with you is that I didn't feel like doing this podcast today and I did it anyway. You have to show up for yourself and stay consistent even when you don't want to and even when it's inconvenient because that's how progress happens.
[00:12:51] And because I know that if you're listening, you want to be someone who's taking action in alignment with your values. And that looks like showing up even when you don't feel like it. And there was a lot between doing. The, the thing that you really don't want to do and doing nothing. There's always something in between there.
[00:13:11] You can always do something.
[00:13:17] So if you find yourself getting caught up a lot and I don't feel like it, I don't feel like it, I don't feel like it, maybe the thing that you're trying to do is too big. Maybe you need to lower the barrier to entry and set up that thing as something smaller on a regular basis, right? Maybe it's meal planning for just.
[00:13:34] a couple of days, or having protein in the house for like one meal each day instead of all three, or it's working out for less time or less often to start, right? Like, you've got to make the thing doable. At one point, one of my, my former business coach said to me, Oh, what would you ever want to do two podcasts a week?
[00:13:51] I'm like, no, it's too much. Like, I know I can do one a week consistently, right? So it's like, you've got to be really honest with yourself about the things that you're setting up and what you can do. That is part of this too. Thank you for listening. Under 15 minutes, hopefully, once I add on the intro and outro.
[00:14:06] Thank you for listening. I think I just said that. I really appreciate you guys. Um, I'm glad this is kind of a shorter one. You know, things are kind of crazy and busy right now. Attention is pulled in a lot of different directions. So I so appreciate your time, um, and your support.