episode 131: the most harmful part of social media to body image issues
Today’s episode of The Diet Diaries is one of those where I got an idea and had to immediately record because the idea was so strong in my brain.
And what I’m talking about today is the “do what I do and you’ll look like me” story that dominates social media and is one of the major causes of your body image issues and why you are stuck in the endless diet cycle.
This episode is about letting you know that you are not alone in your frustration and anger and self blame and negative body image.
Because I walk over 10k steps a day.
I go to Pilates once a week.
I strength train twice a week.
Go to dance class once a week.
Eat at least 120 G protein each day.
Have sweets/dessert everyday.
Eat veggies with almost every lunch and dinner.
Pay attention to portions to match my body’s needs.
Sleep 8 hours a night.
Haven’t binged in years.
And I am a size 12 with a belly that rolls and folds and bulges. But everything on social media tells you if you’re doing all of these things you should be smaller and leaner.
That is not how the human body works.
Another woman could do all of the same things I do and be a size 4 with a six pack. Another could be a size 16 and carry their weight in their thighs.
Because we can’t control outcomes. That’s why we have to do these actions bc of how they make us feel and how we want to show up in the world.
So today I’m talking about why this message is so problematic for body image issues and how you can protect yourself from it.
Episode 130 of The Diet Diaries and this detailed blog post offer tons of resources and skills for coping with body image issues and negative body image so you can start to feel better and more at ease in your own skin.
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[00:00:00] Hi, friends. It's episode 131 of the DIA Diaries. This is one of those episodes where I got an idea late last night as I was kind of falling asleep, and now it's Wednesday morning. It's Wednesday, May 24th, and I'm like, I have to go record this. Usually I record on Mondays a week in advance, so I have. This is going to air, it'll be June, I think it's Monday, June 5th, which is actually Ben's birthday.
[00:00:29] So when you're listening to this, it's my son Ben's 11th birthday today, um, even though I'm recording this on Wednesday, May 24th, that's kinda weird. Anyway, so I'm gonna be upfront, I'm, this is not gonna be super long. This is a little bit more of a ranty kind of episode and I don't know that I'm gonna be offering you to be honest any specific skills.
[00:00:51] This is more of a no, you are not alone episode and understand, just reinforcing. And we're having a way to remind ourselves of what it means to be a human. And so there's a lot of value in that. Um, being able to remind ourselves of that isn't as is in and of itself a skill. And the, I'm just saying this recently somewhere, I don't remember where it was.
[00:01:17] But the longer I do this work, the more I realize, and this was so true when the retreat this weekend. The value of knowing that you are not alone, that you are not the only person that thinks these things, that it's not just me. The more I'm realizing how incredibly powerful that is and. That there's almost like nothing greater than knowing that because when you think you're alone, you're carrying around a lot of shame.
[00:01:44] And the only antidote to shame is connection and sharing and knowing that you are not the only one. And the only way that we know that we're not the only one is when people are willing to share. And that's kind of really the core of what this episode is about. So here's the thing. We're coming into summer, or we're almost in summer.
[00:02:05] This isn't even a seasonal thing. It happens all the time. There's a lot of stuff on social media that will say, if you do these five or six things, these are, this is what your outcome will be. And a lot of trainers and coaches will use their bodies to represent that, to sell essentially those actions and to sell those outcomes.
[00:02:28] And. To be perfectly honest like that is doing such a huge disservice to all of us because we are humans and every single one of us is different. We have different DNA and we have different lived experiences, and there is no way that a person can say to you, if you do these things, this is what will happen.
[00:02:52] Like, you just can't, like, you can't possibly know that. Do we have best practices? Do we have data? Do we have research that lets us, um, kind of not guess, but um, sort of, uh, hypothesize as to what's going to happen based on what's happened in the past? Yes, to an extent, but everybody's body is going to react differently and so I am someone I walk.
[00:03:21] Over 10,000 steps pretty much every day. I go to Pilates once a week. I shrink three and twice a week. I go to a dance class once a week. I eat at least 120 grams of protein a day. I have sweetss and desserts every day. I don't restrict food. I eat veggies all the time. I pay attention to portions to match my body's needs.
[00:03:39] I sleep really well. I haven't binged in years, and I am a size 12 with a belly with fat, with stretch marks. And I'm saying all this not to like brag. I, I wanna be really clear. This isn't like, oh look, all these things I do, it's like I do these things because they feel really good for me because they are in alignment with my values because I know that's what I need to be able to show up the way I want to.
[00:04:06] And the outcome of doing all that hasn't been, um, weight loss. It hasn't been like changing my physical appearance. It has been in kind of, I've talked about this a couple weeks ago, an invisible transformation, but there's so much out there, especially with the things I mentioned. Oh, eat a ton of protein, walk a lot, strength, train, sleep well, and you'll quote, balance your hormones and you'll, you'll, you can lose belly fat.
[00:04:32] That is not how it works. I'm doing all these things and my outcome is all internal. Another person could do those things and lose weight and could get more muscular definition. Another person could do these actions and be in a bigger body than me and carry their, carry their body fat differently, maybe around their thighs or in their upper body, like because we are all different.
[00:04:56] DNA plays a huge role in this. That is not to say, oh, throw up my hands. That doesn't mean I can't change anything. This isn't to say that like, We can't, that these behaviors can't lead to weight loss. They can. It absolutely depends on where you're starting from, right? I am very close to my body's natural desired set point, right?
[00:05:14] If you are carrying a lot of extra body fat, these behaviors can make a huge difference. But what's just really frustrating to me is there's so much out there that says, do this and you will look like me. That is not true. That is not how this works. And. The reason that, that I'm, I'm bringing this up kind of in the context of knowing that you're not alone is because you can go and do all these things and you can follow this program, right?
[00:05:42] That someone says, or you're on Instagram, you're following someone and they're like, this is what I do. And you see a picture of how they look and you're like, and they're telling you, if you do this, you can look like me. So you go and do all those things, but then you don't look like them and you're like, you think it's you, you think you are the problem.
[00:05:57] I have done something wrong. I'm doing exactly what she's doing. She looks like that. I don't. There's something wrong with me, except no, there is nothing wrong with you. You have different dna, you have different lived experiences, you have a different lifestyle. You have a different 24 hours in your day.
[00:06:13] So many different inputs than that other person. And so these inputs are going to have a different output. That's normal. That is okay, that is to be expected. It's the people who are selling this idea that have done the disservice. They are the ones who are doing something wrong. There's nothing. Wrong with you because you are not getting that outcome.
[00:06:34] And that is really what I want you to know. We can't control outcomes. We can only control our effort. And so that goes back to like why I shared the things that I do. Because you might think to yourself, oh my God, if I, you know, She's doing all those things. You would expect me maybe to look a certain way or to lose weight or for my body to look a certain weight.
[00:06:53] And it doesn't look that way. Um, I am, I see myself like I'll see, like before and after pictures on social media, like I'm the before picture. Like, and, and I'm like, I'm okay with that. Um, but we put a lot of expectations on these behaviors around food, around movement, around self-care for external.
[00:07:18] Changes for weight changes for body composition changes, yes, those can happen and for some people might need more in terms of structure and diligence than others for lots of different reasons. Some people might need less like. Some people have a really easy time losing body fat and some people have a really hard time.
[00:07:40] It is extremely, extremely difficult for me to lose body fat and very easy to gain it. That is part of my dna. That is part of having P C O S, that is part of having hy having being hypothyroid. Yes, it's under control of medication, although things right now are like a little wonky, but it's still challenging someone who doesn't have those conditions.
[00:08:03] It could be a lot easier, right? And those are not things that I can change about my body. Um, and so I just want you to know that if you are seeing all these people saying, do what I do when you'll look like me, that's, they're doing something that's very harmful and it's frustrating. And that is why I will share my body and show you my body and talk about the things that I do.
[00:08:30] So that you can see a different representation, right? Because a lot of this comes back to representation. The people who are showing their bodies and saying, do what I do and you'll look like me. Look, the look the way that we have been told we need to look to be happy, to be fit, to be healthy, right?
[00:08:45] Small tone, lean, all of that. I'm doing all of those things and I don't look like that. Um, and again, I mentioned there are, there are, there are people who are doing those things. And also are small and there are people doing those things who are in a bigger body than me. Um, it is just not as simple as people make it out to be.
[00:09:08] And we just like, it's so frustrating when I see people using their body to sell their services because it is communicating something and promising you something that there is no guarantee of that. There is no promise of, and it is. Out of touch with reality and it's really much more about like money and how can I get more people and how can I get more followers and how can I make more money?
[00:09:35] Um, and it makes me really sad. So look. I am not here. I'm not trying to like judge or criticize. What I'm trying to do is to bring awareness to a lot of what is out there right now on social media and, and what prompted this was I saw some posts yesterday that really got me activated, that really got me frustrated and I see this stuff from people that like I follow and that I like.
[00:10:03] Have respected and it's frustrating. Like that's, it's hard because there's like a disconnect, right? There are definitely people who will talk at a both sides of their mouth who will say like, oh, like, you know, you don't have to look like me to be happy. But then they have done all this work to kind of look.
[00:10:22] The way that, again, like I said, healthy fit bodies are kind of stereotypically represented for women. It's being small, um, being toned, not having a lot of body fat, not having, having smooth skin, all these things. Um, they'll talk about, oh no, you don't need to do that to be happy. But then they're doing all these things and then we'll show their body looking like that.
[00:10:41] And it's like, well, there's a disconnect there. Um, and it's fine. This isn't about like one body being. Good or good or bad, or better or worse. It's not about that at all, but it's about just acknowledging like if you are someone who can. Eat in a certain way and move in a certain way and that easily results in fat loss for you.
[00:11:02] Just acknowledge that, just own it, right? That's like a, certainly people will sometimes call that like thin privilege. Just acknowledge that. It's not like there's no fault. It's not bad, but you have to acknowledge it, right? You have to acknowledge that other people can do those things and not look like you.
[00:11:16] Um, and I think it's hard for people who haven't lived that I have lived that. Since I was a teenager, constantly seeing different diets or different workout programs and thinking like, I think about like, like Tracy Anderson workouts and for some reason, and now I'm gonna get more of them. I've been getting those ads and I see these women doing these exercises and I used to think of, I do those exercises, I will look like her.
[00:11:39] She already looks like that. That's her body type. Right. So it's like kind of like self-selecting in a way. Um, And again, if you love doing those workouts, great. Do those workouts. But just know that doing them isn't necessarily gonna give you a body like Tracy Anderson's. Like, it's so much more complex than that.
[00:11:58] Um, so this also comes back to doing the things. That we want to be doing because they're in alignment with our values. Cause they are internally driven, not externally driven. And yes, when you consistently do those things from an internally driven place, you can get external results. There's so much to that.
[00:12:19] It depends on your starting point and your history and what's, you know, the amount of body fat you have and there's, there's a lot to it.
[00:12:30] Because the reality is that when I coach people, we coach people from learning skills and changing your relationship to food and changing your relation to ex exercise and learning how to feel more at ease around food. And yes, then that can result in fat loss. But again, like it's not, it's, it's just, it's more nuanced than that.
[00:12:47] Um, It's, it's not a do this. Get that. It is so much about your life and your history and your needs, and your preferences and your challenges. Um, Like for me, like eating 120, 130 grams of protein a day is like no problem. I've been doing for so long. To me, it is totally not a big deal. It is almost effortless for me.
[00:13:10] For some people, that is a tremendous undertaking, a huge amount of effort, which I totally get right. So it's like, That takes a ton of time and mental energy, right? I, the, the, the way my life is with my son and my job, I have time to walk and move a lot. It's easy for me to make that happen. Not everybody has the same 24 hours in a day.
[00:13:33] Let's be very clear about this. Um, so these are just all factors and. I just wanna put it out there. I just want you to know that you're not alone. I want you to know that if you've tried a diet and a workout program and haven't gotten the results that look like the person that said, do this, that's normal.
[00:13:52] That's most, most of the time what is going to happen. And to r really start to notice whether you're taking action, that it's in alignment with your values, what makes you, you, or you taking action in alignment. With what you think will get you this kind of external goal that will like, make you happy. Um, are you doing something because it worked for someone else or cuz someone else told you to and it sounded good, or because you have urgency behind it and you need to fix like the discomfort of, of how you feel about your body in your body right now?
[00:14:30] Right? That is all. That's like that instant gratification. I feel uncomfortable. I don't like how I'm feeling around food. I've gained weight. I feel outta control. So I'm gonna go on a diet to fix this. And when I go on this diet, I will look like that person. It's so, it's so much more than that. So really starting to pay attention to where, like, why are you doing these things?
[00:14:54] Because behaviors can look the same on the outside, but come from a very different place on the inside. Um, So I just really kind of wanted to share this, um, and just let you know, remind you that you're not alone and that if you see someone saying, oh, work out and eat more protein and walk and sleep, and like, you will just, everything will change.
[00:15:19] It's not that simple. Um, you could have tremendous like systemic wellbeing and internal health benefits from that and. The weight loss may take a really long time, or some people may not lose weight. It's B based on all of these factors, right? Again, history, lived experiences, dna, n a hours in a day, preferences, mental wellness, all of these things.
[00:15:43] So let's keep this on the shorter side. Um, I hope that this. Resonates. I hope it makes you feel less alone. I hope you know that you are not the only one who has done this countless times and felt like you were the problem. You are not the problem. The person telling you that these are going to be your results.
[00:16:02] That's the problem. So more soon. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. Super appreciate if you, um, can leave a star rating on Apple Podcast that really helps people who are searching to find the podcast. Um, really appreciate that. Takes like 0.5 seconds. Um, and it means a lot to me and really helps my business and helps people find the diet diaries.
[00:16:27] So, okay, that's all for now. Bye.