episode 255: the mistake you’re making every time you get dressed and how to fix it

Dec 8

Friends… this one is for every single woman who has ever stood in a fitting room sweating, swearing, and promising herself this time she’ll lose the weight.

We’re in the thick of holiday dressing season, I’ve been deep in the saga of finding a dress for my niece’s bat mitzvah (the try-ons are linked!), and today I’m walking you through the exact process I use every time I shop — or honestly, every time I get dressed from my own closet.

It’s my LFC Method: Love. Fits. Comfortable.

Simple… but also life-changing.

Because when you start choosing clothes based on how they work for your real body, not the body you used to have or the one you think you “should” have, everything shifts — your confidence, your mornings, your shopping habits, even your wallet.

Inside this episode I share:

How to tell the exact moment you’re talking yourself into something — and why it’s always a no
Why two boxes checked (cute + fits) isn’t enough if you’re not comfortable
How clothes you never wear quietly drain your energy and your self-trust
What shifts when you stop dressing to “look smaller” and start dressing to feel like yourself

Changing how you talk to yourself while getting dressed is one of the most powerful body image tools you will ever use.

255
[00:00:00] Hello friends. Welcome back. DI Diaries. We're in like mid-December. We're in like the thick of holidays, getting dressed for holiday parties, photos, all the stuff. And on social media. The past couple of weeks, probably three to four weeks, I've been talking about buying a dress for my niece's bat mitzvah, which is in January.
I did some really fun try on videos. I'll link them here in case you didn't see them. But what I wanted to talk about was kinda the process that I went through when I was buying stuff for this bat Mitzvah. And anytime I go shopping, I try on clothes. I get dressed in the morning from my own closet, basically shopping from my own closet.
I am using my LFC method. My love fits comfortable method. Right, and this is the way that this is a huge part of the transformation that has happened with my body [00:01:00] image and dressing the body that I'm in, not the body that I have always like dreamed of having or wished that I had. So it's got check three boxes.
I do. I love it. Does it fit and is it comfortable? And here's the thing, like why this is so important, especially with buying these dresses. Right? So I ordered a bunch of dresses online and I ordered things. I ordered like one dress in like multiple sizes. There were a couple of dresses that I could not even get on.
I ordered some dresses from Zara and I shop at Zara and. And able to wear their clothes fine. Clearly their dresses are cut much smaller than their regular clothes, which I did not know. Um, but even like the extra larges were not fitting, there was one dress where I couldn't even get it over my head. It was a pull over the headdress.
My head was just too big. Apparently people who wear our dresses have small heads and small neck, and I am not that person. And I was trying on these dresses and there were some that, like the zipper, like on an extra large zipper was not even closing. Right? Which is like my teenage and [00:02:00] early twenties, like trauma of like getting zippers dressed in the thinning room and, and the tears and I'm sweating and like not zipping and swearing to myself, okay, this is it, this is, this is, I'm really gonna lose the weight this time.
I'm really gonna do it. That was every single time I went shopping, it was horrible. So shopping was. Not really fun. It was something that like I wanted to look forward to, but would always have so much anxiety around because I knew where it was going. Like, is it gonna close? Is it gonna zipper? Am I gonna be able to get these jeans up over my thighs?
And it was always from this place of panic. And now when I go shopping, I mean I like to shop. It's really fun. So yeah, you might not like to shop, but I'm gonna leave that aside. But part of the reason you don't like to shop is 'cause of the way that you're talking to yourself when you go shopping and the way that you're deciding.
On what to buy or what to wear. And the same thing's happening when you're getting dressed like in your closet. I'm looking at my eyebrows as I'm filming this guy's, and one eyebrow is like really dark brown and the other eyebrow, like I can barely see. It's so wild. I'm sorry, I just had to say that. Um.
And [00:03:00] this three point checklist that I use, the LFC method is literally a game changer for this because you're gonna start choosing clothes from a place of what works for your body, not how can I hide what's wrong with my body, right? You have got to, you've got to love it. Or if not love it, like really, really like it, and you will know if you have to talk yourself into it.
Even the littlest bit, or if you put it on and you're like, I'm not sure that's it. That's your answer right there. If you're not sure you don't love it, you definitely don't really like it when you put on something that you love. You know it Like when I finally found the dress that I got, I'm gonna link it because you guys should watch the video.
There were two dresses that it came down to. Very similar. I put on this one dress and you could like see it on my face. As I watched the video back, it was even like more obvious to me, but I could. Feel it. And I knew when I looked in the mirror, but then the other one I'm like, oh, but it is kind of cute, but I kind of like this.
Or you know, should I wear this? Instead, I was talking myself into liking this other dress when it was so [00:04:00] obvious that I loved the first one. And you've gotta watch out for that. We like to talk ourselves in, talk ourselves into things, especially things that we think we're supposed to, like. Here's a story.
I bought this, these pair of black, like, uh, like nylon barrel pants recently. They're this brand Rudy, RUTI. They are. It's like a heavy, I would say, like influencer brand. That's how I first find out about it. And I have seen these pants for a while, probably for a couple of years. They're expensive. They're like $250 for like athleisure pants, although you can like dress them up.
And I'm like, no, I don't wanna spend the money. And then they came around, they had a 25% off sale and I had an influencer discount code. So they ended up being like 1 69. I think they're actually, I think the base prices actually might be 2 79. They were like a hundred dollars less. And I'm like, oh, okay.
Well I have actually been really interested in these. So I ordered them and I, based on their size chart, I ordered them in a 14 and they came and I put them on and I'm like, I don't like how these look. And I realized they were really, they were big, like they were. Big in the waist. They were big, they were baggy.
They were bunching in the crotch. [00:05:00] But I could kind of tell that the 12 would fit in the button, in the thighs, but I'm like, I think the 12 is gonna be tight in the waist. It's elastic. I'm like, because I liked the way the 14 fit in the waist, but I didn't like the way. How it felt everywhere else. So I ended up exchanging them.
I sent them back. I got the 12. The 12 came, and exactly as I suspected, they looked great in the butt. They looked great in the thighs. And I actually really liked the way the pants looked. I'm like, oh, I kind of get it now. But I'm like, the elastic on the waist is like a tiny, I mean a tiny bit tighter than I would want it to be tiny.
And I talked myself into keeping them. Because I'm like, it's just a tiny bit. I'm like, they're so cute. Everyone has, this is what I'm thinking. Everyone has them. Everyone loves them. It's worth it for them to be a teeny, tiny bit tight, because I think that they're gonna be like, everyone thinks they're so cute.
I think they're cute. I really liked them. I liked how they looked. But I was thinking because the way [00:06:00] they were tight and because the way then kind of like my skin and fat was kind of like getting squeezed. I was like, am I gonna, like how I fitted top looks like this? I'm like, I'm not sure, but I'll, I can wear like a, a, a boxy top, like whatever.
I can wear sweaters, I can wear. I had a lot of ways in my head where I knew I could wear, but I'm like, I don't think I would wear like a tight tank top with this. And I'm like, I know they're like a teen teensy bit tight. And I kept them. And that was a month ago. I have not gone to wor wear them a single.
Time because in my head I'm like, I know they're like a tiny bit tight and I'm worried I'm not gonna be comfortable in them 'cause I know I'm not gonna be comfortable in them. Even though I wore them around the house for like an hour and I was like, okay. I was like, they're good enough. I totally talked myself into them and now I have not worn them.
And now I am way outside the return window. So I have a pair of $170 pants sitting in my closet tags on NWT new with tags. That I'm not going to wear. So if you are constantly not reaching for a piece of clothing in your [00:07:00] closet because of how it fits you or because it's not comfortable, that's a problem.
Right. And maybe you talk to yourself and I totally talked myself into this and I'm so annoyed at myself 'cause I really worked hard to be better about that. And I have gotten better about it. I've gotten way better about it, but it still happens 'cause I'm human and I'm not perfect. And I still. This is hard work.
It's really hard work and it's hard work not to constantly be talked into things or believe that you want things because someone else has told you it was cool or because it worked for all these other people or because literally the entire internet is telling you that these are the best pants ever.
Well, you know what? They're not the best pants for me. They don't work for my body. I am between sizes on these pants. So I'm sharing this because we talk ourselves into things all the time, and if you are even doing the tiniest bit of talking yourself into it, it's a no. It's a no. You will not wear it either because you don't actually like it, because it doesn't [00:08:00] fit or because it's not comfortable.
And that's why these three check-ins, that's why this method is so useful because it will save you a lot of money and a lot of mental energy and a lot of. A lot of mental energy because it'll make it so much easier to go in your closet and get dressed when you know that you love everything, that everything fits, and that everything is comfortable.
Because when you have stuff in your closet that's taking up mental and physical space, when you don't love it, when it doesn't fit and isn't comfortable, it makes getting dressed a much more stressful experience. 'cause you know that stuff is sitting there. Whether it's old stuff that you used to fit into or stuff you bought that you'll, you would hope that you would fit into or stuff that you bought that you talk to yourself into.
There's so many different reasons. We have things in our closets that we don't. Ever where, and so these, this check-in you guys, it is so powerful and I work through this with clients and coaching, like it's part of, within my, my coaching is a three part coaching framework, right? We've got the nutrition piece, we've got the body image piece, and we've got the behavior change piece.
And within the body [00:09:00] image piece, which I call quiet the body noise, this is a specific skill that we work on and practice and it takes. Practice. It's practice for life. Look, I'm the one who created this method and then I coach it and I'm still using it, and it doesn't always mean I'm gonna use it perfectly, right?
I still end up keeping a pair of pants that I never should have kept. You get better with practice. You don't ever get perfect. You're always gonna end up doing things that aren't right, and then you learn from them. I look back, I'm like, okay, I learned from this again. Next time this happens, and I start talking myself into something.
I'm really gonna pause and pay attention and say, what am I doing? I am talking myself into this and it's gonna feel super uncomfortable in the moment. 'cause your brain's gonna go, well, what if? What if? But she said, these are great. And she said, these are cool and this is what everyone's wearing and this is what you know you're supposed to wear.
This is what's cool if you're questioning it even a little bit, if you're talking yourself into it, it's a no. And again, it's gonna feel excuse, excuse me. Whoa, excuse me. I just like hiccup and bur at the same time. It's gonna feel hard. It's gonna feel uncomfortable. That's normal. That's [00:10:00] okay. I know that you're not alone.
I'm doing it with you. So kind of back to the dresses. Really, this was an exercise in using this skill over and over and over again. Right. The first round of dresses, basically like none of them even fit, so it wasn't even like a thing. But sometimes we will buy things that fit just because they fit.
Right. Have you ever bought something where like maybe it's cut really? It's cut really big. So you fit into a smaller size and you buy it because you like that the tag has a smaller number on the size, but maybe you don't really love the thing, but that number makes you feel good. Yeah. That's like a thing that's, that's not cool.
I know why you're doing it. I totally get it. Because it like, it makes you feel a certain way because seeing that number makes you feel a certain way. I totally get it. And also. You don't actually like that thing, or you don't love it as much as something that maybe was a size bigger that you truly loved, you're not gonna feel like yourself.
Right? And that is gonna be a thing, taking up mental and physical space in your closet. Um, and then in terms of like comfort, you can buy something that [00:11:00] fits and that you love, but sometimes it's not comfortable, right? It might be itchy, it might pull, it might dig, it might scratch. There's a lot of reasons why clothes are uncomfortable, like certain sweaters.
They might fit great and I might love the way it looks, but it might be itchy and it might drive me nuts, right? Or even a pair of jeans that might fit and I might love, maybe like the button kind of digs in, or it might be like super high waisted jeans. Guys, I am over it. I am over them. I have donated and sold so many high waisted jeans.
These jeans that they, they fit and they look cute when I'm standing, but as soon as I sit, I'm like, oh my God, I think my boobs are getting swallowed by my pants right now. What the fuck is happening? I'm done. I'm over it. They're not comfortable. So this is what I mean, like you couldn't check off two boxes and not have a third, and if you don't have the third, you're gonna be screwed.
Those jeans were just taking up space on my closet and every time I would look, I'd put them on and I'd be like, no, I don't wanna wear these. And it's like, why? Why? Why do I have them? I spent, I mean, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars on this stuff, guys. Like [00:12:00] I got rid of jeans this summer. I'm thinking of like three pairs of jeans right now.
That total, I probably spent like $600 on, um, and had them for like maybe a year. I'm just being, I'm just being totally honest with you. Um. Because they fit and I love them. And they were like the style, but they were not comfortable. You need all three and it takes work again. It's hard. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you this is super easy, but it is a game changer.
Otherwise, you're focused on the number and the tag you're focused on. Is this flattering? And let's be honest, like when you're asking, is it flattering? You're saying, does it make me look skinnier? That's all you're asking and we wanna look good in our clothes, but wondering if it makes you look skinnier.
Is is so stressful because then you're constantly like, like what? What angle do I need to suck it in? Like, how do I need to pose myself? Like what are people thinking about me? Rather than, do I love this thing? And is it comfortable? It's constantly like, how small is this making me look? And clothing that looks great on you is about proportions, [00:13:00] right?
Is about textures, is about colors, is about patterns, is about the way things kind of fit on your body, the way things hang and the different types of fabrics. And. Yeah, that's what we want to start focusing on. And when you're paying attention to does this fit, is it comfortable? Do I love it? You are inherently going to be incorporating that without having to like overtly think about it, think about it, and you'll be thinking about it less in terms of, does this make me look smaller?
And more about how does this feel on my body and how does this make me feel kind of as a person? Because you know, when you put on something that you love, like when you watch this video and I put on the dress that I ended up keeping, like the look on my face is like. It's like lit up. And when I put it on, I'm like, oh my God, I fucking loved that dress.
I loved it and it fit and it was comfortable and it checked all the boxes. And it, it's, it's a fitted dress. So like you can see the roundness of my stomach, right? This dress wasn't like making me look skinny. Um, and I'm certainly not gonna, I [00:14:00] don't wear Spanx. I don't do Spanx. 'cause they just, I mean, for many different reasons.
Um. But I was looking at it in terms of like, I put this on, I'm like, oh my God, I fucking love this dress. I love it. And it was like that simple and it fit and it was comfortable. And so I wasn't thinking, what's gonna make me look skinny? What's gonna make me look the smallest? What's going to hide my stomach?
That's not what I was thinking about at all. And so this method is. It's really a game changer. It gives you a whole different way to think about getting dressed, to think about shopping, to think about trying on clothes that strips out all of the emotion and the self-worth we have tied to the sizing, tied to um, kind of the way we think about certain clothes, what we can wear, what we can't wear, right?
What is, what is my body type allowed to wear? And it gives you. Some OB objective, a little bit more of an objective way, but that still has subjectivity, right? Because whether you love it is your opinion, right? How it feels, you know, when something's comfortable versus [00:15:00] uncomfortable, right? So the fit and the comfort thing are pretty objective.
Like, you know when something's comfortable and you obviously know when something fits, whether you love something that's purely opinion, but it's not about, well, does this make me look smaller, right? Or am I buying this because I'm able to buy it in a smaller size? It's the, it's the trifecta of these three things together.
Um, and so I just wanted to pass this along and give you this as like, something to really think about. And I did a little bit of like a, I did a YouTube, like a little mini training. Um, it's short, so this is kind of like similar to that, but I'll drop the link to that. It's like a, just three minutes, like really specific about how to walk through it.
Um. LFC method and like this is, this is a skill, right? This is something that we work on in coaching. This is something that you learn and practice and incorporate, and this is how you. Change how you feel about your body, right? This is how you stop hating, getting dressed. This is how you stop walking outta fitting rooms, crying.
This is how you stop trying on dresses or trying on jeans [00:16:00] and telling, saying to yourself, you're so fat, you're so disgusting. Why can't you lose weight? Right? This is how you stop doing that. That's not, you're not just gonna magically stop doing that, right? You're not just going to magically like love getting dressed, and I'm telling you also.
Even if and when you lose weight, you're still not gonna stop doing that. Right. I have one of my long-term clients right now, she was on the podcast weeks ago, Nicole, who's on GPG, GLP one Z Bound. She's lost over 60 pounds and she. Still has these same issues in fitting rooms, right? And she talks about it.
It does not go away. The only way this stuff changes is if you learn to start changing how you talk to yourself. It is the only thing. It is literally the only thing, and this is how to do it. No matter weight loss, no matter of Spanx is going to change any of it. You have to change the way that you are thinking and the way that you are behaving and this is how you go there.
So that was one of the [00:17:00] skills that she and I have been working on, right? Is this LFC method is using this as a way to rethink how she's buying clothes and it's been super helpful, right? It's, she sent me a message like a week or two later and I was like, oh my God, look at this dress that I got from anthropology and was so excited about it because she was focused on what does she love, what fits and what's comfortable.
Rather than like, what makes me look smaller or what can I fit into, or, you know, what size am I? Um, it just gives you a whole different way of thinking about it and it really kind of changes everything. So that's what I got for you. You can totally start practicing this as you're getting dressed for your holiday parties this weekend and your photos and all of that.
Um, because really the other thing I didn't mention is that when, if you, if it doesn't fit, if you don't love it, if it's not comfortable, you're totally distracted and you are not present for whatever it is, you're pulling, you're tugging, you're self-conscious, you're wondering, you're adjusting as someone looking at me, how does this look at your party, at work with your kids [00:18:00] and your photos, whatever it is, you are not present.
So the ripple effects of this are just like. Beyond. Like you probably can't even fully comprehend them. And until you, it's like you don't even realize how what you're wearing is impacting how you're moving through life. Until you start to change the way that you're thinking about your clothes and how you're getting dressed and then you're like, oh my God, holy shit, I feel really good in this.
And you're able to be so much more present and it's really, it's, it's awesome. So, alright, I'm done. Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening. I love you guys for. Choosing to listen to this podcast when there's like just a bajillion out there. It really means so much to me and, um, I'll see you soon.