episode 201: love getting dressed again with conni jespersen

Oct 28

In this episode of The Diet Diaries, I’m thrilled to have Conni Jespersen, an educational stylist and founder of Art in the Find, joining me. I have learned so much from Conni over the last 6 months and I am so grateful to have her on the podcast! We getting into the real impact that getting dressed has on how we feel in our bodies — and it’s about so much more than just clothes.

A sample of what you’ll hear:

Why getting dressed can shift your mood and boost your confidence, especially when nobody is watching
The emotional baggage hiding in our closets — and how to stop the cycle of mindless shopping.
How to actually shop your own closet and breathe new life into pieces you already own.
Why “flattering” clothes aren’t the answer, and what you should focus on instead to feel great.
Simple steps to create a wardrobe that works for your real life and makes you feel like the best version of you.

If you’ve ever stood in front of your closet feeling lost or frustrated, this episode is packed with the mindset shifts and practical tips you need to start loving what you wear — and how you feel in it.

201
[00:00:00]
jordana: Hi friends back today with, I think this is episode going to be episode 201 of the diet diaries. And I'm here with a guest. I'm super excited to bring to you guys. I'm with Connie Jesperson of art in the find. And she is an educational stylist who I have worked with and learned from personally. Um, I took Connie's style one on one class this summer and it was awesome.
And that is the reason why I asked her to come on to the podcast. Um, you guys have seen me, if you're on my email list, and even if you're not, you've seen me talk about. The power of getting dressed and how it relates to body image. And that has been kind of like a journey, not to overuse an overused term, but a journey for me over a period of time.
And I've learned, I learned so much from Connie in three weeks and from following her because she is truly a stylist. She's not someone who's just posting links and buy this. And by that she really helped me and helps women understand How to get dressed, how to put together outfits, [00:01:00] how they make you feel.
That is a skill to learn for us and it's a skill to teach it and help women. So I'm super excited to have Connie here. So welcome.
conni: Thank you. Great introduction. So happy to be part of
jordana: I know a little bit about your background, which I thought was so interesting, but I'd love to hear like what got you, what got you into styling and kind of connecting with connecting with women in this way?
conni: Um, uh, so I have a background in education. I used to teach in San Diego. I taught for eight years. But I think growing up I've always been a very visual person. I wanted to kind of dig into photography. Um, I love to travel. And I always would notice visual things. Whether There was a beautiful scene or whether we were, um, I don't know, at a lovely hotel and they decorated it in a certain way and the aesthetic has always been something that I'm drawn to, and I just take it in, whether that I don't do anything with that or I, you know, I'm [00:02:00] just thinking about it, but I started mulling it over 10 years ago or 11 years ago now, um, when Rachel Zoe actually had a style show, and And she was a stylist, but for Hollywood stars, and that just never occurred to me that I could do styling or do something visual and put it into a medium like styling.
Cause when I went to school, there was, you know, journalism and education and business and the typical, um, you know, uh, majors like that. Uh, so I just was good with kids when I was younger and thought I would go into education, but year over year, deep inside, I would find myself saying I didn't want to do this 30 years from now.
There was something else I wanted to do, I just didn't know what. And then once Rachel Zoe came out with her show, I had actually also gone to a, uh, history, um, event where they were doing this kind of, Fashion redo, they called it at Mesa college in San Diego. And they hosted it at a museum in Balboa park.[00:03:00]
And I went and there was a history slash fashion professor who was talking about the way that fashion and history are intertwined. And at the time I was teaching middle school history and I was like, bam, like that is it. I want to do history, fashion. I want to do the background of fashion. I want to have education.
And so I took a year and a half. I, in my mind, I gave myself a year and I went back to school and I went to school for fashion merchandising at night just to make sure it was a world I wanted to get into and I loved it. And I was like, Oh, these are right people. And I got my world. And we, we, you know, I took some sewing courses and I took.
Some, um, uh, also fashion merchandising and, um, what else? Pattern making. Um, and all of that stuff was just fascinating to me. And then I thought, okay, I want to go out and, and do something with it. I started a blog, I think in 2012 and it was always called Art in the Find. Because I believe that there is an art to [00:04:00] finding things for people, or finding their style, or helping them identify that not everybody can do.
And that was my art. Uh, and so, also just visual and art. I get a lot of emails
jordana: I love
conni: people asking me to post their art. And I'm like, I'm not actually an artist. Anyways, and then I told my principal that I was leaving and she was like, gosh, dang it. But can I have you edit my closet for me? So
jordana: That's when you know you're on the right track.
conni: knew, they definitely knew.
And I just, I always wanted to express myself visually with what I had on my body too. That was always interesting to me that I didn't want to dress. I wanted to express myself no matter what I was doing and there were many iterations of it. I didn't know if I wanted to go into interior design or, uh, editorial fashion, but slowly I figured out.
I love the one to [00:05:00] one connection. That is my favorite thing to come to somebody who's who says I'm lost or I don't know where to start. And I feel as though I can impart my educational knowledge to To them, help them find their path. And it, honestly, I remember my husband said, cause he, you know, I wasn't working for a couple of years or making any money the first few years that I was styling.
And I remember my husband saying, so like, what happens then in a couple of years when you can't, if you don't. And I said, there is no, don't, this is all I want to do. And I knew it. Like I could see myself doing this until I retire, which,
jordana: That's amazing. That's amazing. Your passion through it, like your passion for it comes through so strongly, right? And like the craft and the skill of doing this, um, which I love. Like, it's truly, it's so clear that this is what you are meant to be doing. That's the vibe that comes through, through social media, right?
And through, like we did, you know, I did the class with you, so I got a little bit more of that personal kind of [00:06:00] interaction. Um, but I'd love to hear more, right? So. The kind of title you use is Educational Stylist. What are, like, what is your approach within that, that you use to kind of help women find their style?
conni: I love to start from inside. I love to ask women. And the first thing that I typically do once they hired me to work with them is to say, okay, now we're going to focus on you. And it's almost like I, it is a little bit of therapy when you're hiring someone as a stylist as well, not too deep into that, but I want to, and I've asked them, What are things that you like about yourself?
And for women, that's a really hard question because you don't often think about what you like about yourself. You think about all the things you don't like. Myself included. And you have, it really takes a lot more brain work to start thinking positively Because we, me personally, like I might go to the negative or be more pessimistic, but that's where I start with them is [00:07:00] Okay, let's talk about what you like about yourself.
What you want out of your closet or clothes when you're putting them on your body. Not what, and the reason why I ask this is because we And we are so inundated with all the messages we're receiving on the daily from our phones in an instant, either when we wake up or right before we go to bed or all throughout the day, that we don't stop to think about what we want, what I want, what, why am I drawn to this and what do I want to get out of it?
And so that's where I start with them to get thinking about the I and trying internally and just try to, uh, shut down the noise and the overwhelm.
jordana: Yes. That, I resonate with that so much. I think that's when we connected, you had sent an email. And I'm blanking on what it was and I had sent an email about barn jackets and how like, I don't like a barn jacket, but everyone's telling me I need to buy a barn jacket. I'm like, well, do I need to buy a barn jacket?
Maybe I don't even know what I like. Like you lose touch because there's [00:08:00] so much and you always think the next thing is going to be the thing that will make you look good or make you cool or make you feel good. But then it never is. So like what you're saying, getting to like the core, the inside, like the soul of who you are when it comes to how you want to feel.
is something that so few of us actually have an awareness
conni: Right. And, and feel
jordana: But we need to go desperately.
conni: Yeah, definitely. Um, and you know, it takes a while to uncover those things and sometimes they might not know because we're again, so used to people just telling us what to do, that when we finally have someone asking, well, what do you want to do? You're like, so for women, it takes a lot longer to uncover that, but it, when they dig in and really.
latch on to the process of just talking about what I refer to as your style descriptors, uh, your personal style descriptors that are words that you want to be who you are. Like, what would you describe yourself as if you're your best friend [00:09:00] or your best friend is sitting next to you? How would they describe you?
It's often easier for women to do that, take themselves out of themselves for a moment and say, well, if your friend's sitting next to you, then how would they describe you? Then they're like, Oh, okay, I can do that. So you're looking at yourself. And just describing who you are and again, the process of watching women uncover those things is really wonderful.
jordana: yeah, how like how does the process though? So once someone kind of you help them figure that out, right? They kind of get their style descriptors They get more in touch with like who they are. How does that? Translate then like to the clothes and how yeah, that's kind of part one. I have a part two But I'll just stay with part one of my question
conni: I don't know any of these parts either, so these are all surprises. No, uh, how it translates is looking at and putting on a piece of clothing and seeing, It's asking yourself if you're comfortable with that, and if you feel confident enough to do it. So that might mean, you know, wearing a halter tank that I'm wearing versus wearing a [00:10:00] button down or button up that you're wearing, and you might feel comfortable in both, you might not feel comfortable in one or the other.
The whole object or the whole idea when you're getting dressed is to create a wardrobe that's based on pieces that make you feel comfortable. So you can go out into the world feeling confident and you have to do a lot of things that feel uncomfortable to realize that that makes you uncomfortable. I don't want that.
And now I want something comfortable. And this is what it looks like for me. And for women, that typically tends to be when they say, well, I go, I wear this all the time. So that's your comfort piece or that might be the piece that makes you feel a certain way for a certain reason. So let's dig into that.
Let's find out what that is and why, and then see if we can replicate that in another piece. Is it the fabric? Is it the, is it the way that the sleeves lay on you? Is it the length? Like I start asking all of these little questions about, it's almost like construction, you know, we're constructing a house or a garment and asking about, [00:11:00] well, let's even look at the length because also what happens is.
With women, you're like, well, I always go to these jeans and then I always wear these jeans, but these jeans, I don't understand why they don't work. Okay. Well, let's measure the rise from the crotch up to the top. And they wear all the time. Oh, well that rise is 11 and a half. Well, the one that feels not great is like eight and a half.
Well, okay. That's the outlet.
jordana: makes sense.
conni: Right. So you're just looking at all these pieces in terms of the construction of them. And that's where the information comes out and you start going, aha. I like an 11 12 inch rise. I like cotton shirts. Uh, and so this becomes part of your identity, so then you can firmly identify what is you and what is not you.
jordana: It's like detective work. And now we're remembering the email that you sent, because as you're talking about this, you were talking about putting together your lunch. Like all the different elements that go into your lunch. And I'm like, this is what I do for a living.
conni: Yes.
jordana: We have like, the way we think about our respective meals.[00:12:00]
support that we give to people. It's like when people come to me and they're like, I feel out of control around food. I'm always hungry or I'm stuffing myself. It's like, well, what are you eating? What are you choosing to eat? Are you enjoying it? Does it have nutrition? Do you feel full? Like, how do you feel afterwards?
How does it impact your energy level? And we start to like construct a story of what's going on and putting pieces together for what works and what doesn't. We're like, Versus just shopping some meal plan that you saw off Google, right? It's the same thing. Instead of just buying all these sweaters or tops or shoes that someone tells me to buy because they're cute and they're stylish and they're trendy.
It's like, no, it's really digging in, figuring out what do I like? What don't I like? But why is that? And how is it impacting me? It's like the same process in a different area, which is so fascinating and interesting to me. Um, and then makes me think of all the other places in our lives. where this process could be helpful that we're not currently applying
conni: totally. Therapy, relationships, family, you know, all of those things for
jordana: one of my favorite things that you do and [00:13:00] that you talk so much about is like shopping your own closet. Like you are not an advocate of going out and just buying stuff. You really, what I've learned so much from you is how do I take what I already have and rethink it in a different way.
So like I'd love to hear more about that process and how you get women to like get on board with that.
conni: Well, you know, it's, okay, I was listening to someone the other day who said, and we've all heard a version of this, like if you keep going and doing the same thing again and again and it's not working, you have to try something else. And one of the things that we, I've noticed in the last, couple of years that we keep doing again and again is shopping because it becomes, it's just easier to buy something than try to figure out, okay, so now I get it.
Now I got to rethink how I'm supposed to style it. Oh my God. No, I don't know how to do that. So I'm just going to buy another piece. And I started realizing as I was doing edits in clients closets that just the over consumption is the key. So it's rampant, [00:14:00] but because we're being sold to online all the time and that's what we are.
Just it's It's, uh, borderless, I guess, you, or frictionless to make a purchase. But when you go in your closet, there's, there's some friction there and so we tend to turn away from that. We're trying to do things to make things easier and, and I understand, but at a certain point when you keep redoing the shopping and then you're just looking in your closet, you're not getting to the sole part of the issue, which is you're just trying to get yourself dressed for date night.
Or you're just trying to get yourself dressed to go drop the kids off at school. So you're, let's talk about what you can do and what's in your closet already to help you with that. Let's take a piece starting with something that you really love and I typically start with bottoms. I love this idea of a foundation piece and a bottom being a foundation piece, which is also a big struggle for women like finding the perfect bottom, which doesn't exist.
It's just a part of it. feel good. [00:15:00] Um, but we start with the bottom and then we look at, okay, let's list three lifestyle activities that you're doing. Date night, kid, you know, school drop off and sports for the weekends with kids or whatever. And you are using pieces. And that's where my visual, I said at the beginning of the talk or conversation that I'm a visual person.
That's where my visual brain comes alive and sees the potential that people have in their closet. And there's just really nothing more magical than saying, Oh, well, what about using that piece of this bottom? Well, I never thought to do that. Well, let's just try, because the experimentation is the fun part for me as a stylist with clients.
I look at your closet and I see potential, whereas someone might look at their closet and see overwhelm. And so having that different perspective and reframing it that way. When I leave those sessions, they're like, Oh my God, I just have so many things that I have already. We create so many outfits out of what I have.
Yes. Let's infuse your closet with more potential, but it's [00:16:00] the experimentation we forget about. We have to play. We have to play more in our closets.
jordana: And I imagine that the, the, the reluctance to experiment comes from like the story that we have, right? I can't wear this. I don't have the body for that, right? I can't wear wide leg jeans. I can't wear a sleeveless top. I can't wear fitted. I can only wear loose flowy things, right? We have these beliefs based on what our bodies look like and then we get stuck and then we never really feel good in what we're wearing.
conni: And these are all restrictions we put on ourselves mentally, which back to like, even me saying, you know, if something's not possible this way or that way, uh, not regarding my business, maybe it's travel or whatever it might be. These are all the restrictions that we are just putting on ourselves.
They are self imposed, right? And there's all this work that we have to do to just release. Those self imposed restrictions and say I'm just going to try and [00:17:00] also thinking about like I talked about this with my daughter who's six She says I'm not good at this. I'm not good at this yet But you have to try and so we always add the word yet So why don't we try that in fashion or style or with our closets?
I'm not I can't wear wide leg jeans Because I haven't learned how to work with them. I haven't experimented with them or played with them. Or maybe I don't want to, and that's okay too, right? But I think for those restrictions we put on ourselves and also lack of time, we don't set aside time. But we also don't realize how much time mentally we spend on the, in the wheelhouse of this all day, in the morning, at night, and you know, all the other stuff.
You're like, well, you're spending mental time on it, so you might as well put physical time into it and just experiment play.
jordana: Yes. Yes. I talk about like T E A time, energy and attention so much and the amount of time, energy and attention that we put into like standing in our closets and stressing out or being [00:18:00] upset. I have nothing to wear. I don't like this. And then like the language that comes up, I look gross, I look fat, I can't wear this.
I need to lose weight. This looks terrible on me. I can only wear, you know, leggings and a baggy top, right? It becomes so cruel. And abusive in the way that we talk to ourselves is not a way that we would ever talk to each other, our daughters, our friends, you know, any other person in our life. Um, and then we just go and buy something else, right?
Back to that point. Something else that we feel is gonna like give us that instant gratification or relief from feeling so terrible. We'll all just go buy this thing, whether it's a baggy top or in that situation or something else. But then the problem never gets addressed. We just keep putting this band aid on it
conni: Well, and then the closet becomes a place that's triggering instead of fun, and it becomes a place of, you know, the self doubt and all of that bad language where that's where sometimes I can come in and bring the fun, right?
jordana: Yes.
conni: [00:19:00] You do, it's not back to the therapy again. You need a therapist almost for your closet to help you just reframe and bring that energy back into it.
So it's not so triggering and it's not a source of negativity, but it has become that way because of this. Yes. All the, the self talk that we're doing in this place where we're feeling not really confident. So I can definitely see how that would be hard for women to then want to style and want to play an experiment when everything feels.
so negative.
jordana: Yes, yes, it's, it's, and then at the same time, you're constantly being shown, right, because like, the sad reality is like, you're in the minority in the, in, in the service that you offer and what you do, right? So it's like, you're out there trying to show women All of the potential that's out there and the way you can think about this, but then alongside that we're still constantly being bombarded by, buy this, buy this, buy this, buy this.
Or like,
conni: yeah, I get
jordana: is what's clattering on this body [00:20:00] type. And I'm like, Oh my God, shut the fuck up. You're not being helpful.
conni: Definitely. I get, um, like, it's supposed to be funny, but it's the memes about girl math, right? And I'm like, math is buying something and returning it and then having the money to read. Like, haha, that's funny. But girl math to me as a stylist is investing in yourself and your closet. So like looking at your clothes as an investment, like thinking about when I buy this, am I investing in myself when I'm doing this?
And Some people, you know, attach a number to an investment piece. And I have a client who the other day had gone through the class as well. And she has, she typically shops at old Navy, nothing pro con, whatever about that. I'm also not going to say you can't do this or can't do that. Except for no sheen, which is, I don't support that mega fast fashion brand, but she shops old Navy and she said.
I just don't have the budget that everybody else has. But what I do have now by taking your class is the awareness [00:21:00] that I'm going to slow down when I'm purchasing something here and just be more intentional about what I'm going to purchase. And that's a win if we could just be more intentional. If we are, there's nothing wrong with buying, but there is something wrong with buying as being the solution all the time.
But then you're still unhappy with your closet. You're feeling overwhelmed. You're still talking negatively about yourself. Then we need to stop the shopping for a little bit and dig deeper into what's the actual problem addressing the other issues Yeah
jordana: aid. Um, something that like I really learned from you, which I think I, I shared in one of the feedback forms, right, was like learning how to put together a top and a bottom for an outfit, right, that I really like the way a more fitted top looks with maybe a more fuller pants and maybe a slimmer pant with a more fuller top.
Or like today I'm wearing, these are, these are actually vintage jeans, which have a little bit of like a barrel cut with like a cropped button down and like that cropped look I like a lot more than like another style. And so now I [00:22:00] have kind of like this template. So when I'm putting things together, I'm thinking, okay, if I want to wear that top and it's fitted, I know I'm going to look for like a wider like bottom.
And that has really just helped simplify things for when I want to get dressed so that I don't either defaults. To like something that is more just functional and just is literally clothes on my body, or that I'm spending like half an hour, like taking things on, like trying things on and taking things off over and over again, getting frustrated.
conni: Right,
jordana: So it's like just to, you know, for people who are listening, just I wanted to share that little personal anecdote for like, and that's really. been super, super helpful. And even now, as I've bought things or wanted to buy things, I thought to myself, am I going to be able to use this in a certain way? What would I pair this with?
Does this kind of fit with some of the templates I had? And sometimes I've said yes. And sometimes I've said no. And then I haven't bought that thing. Whereas previously I would have bought the thing just because I thought it was cute
conni: right.
jordana: or maybe even because it was on sale, right? There's that whole [00:23:00] thing, which I'd love to get your take on as well.
Um, Yeah. So yeah, that's been sort of my experience and what I've learned from Connie and it's been so, just so helpful.
conni: Yeah, definitely. I think that in, when anybody is trying to just figure out like what fits my body or what would work for my body, having those templates can be very helpful for some people, it can feel limiting, but for some people that are just early in their style journey, knowing I could do loose with fitted or fitted with loose.
is you're talking now about balance and proportion. Same with taking a picture and they do the rule of thirds, like you should do one third on the top and two thirds on the bottom, like in a photograph that makes it pleasing. And that's the same thing with putting together an outfit or balancing or proportion, but you have to ask yourself, what's my why when I'm getting dressed today?
Why am I not wearing What is my why? Why do I want to put this on? What do I want to do? Do I want to feel beautiful? Do I [00:24:00] want to just feel functional? I just need to be comfortable. Or I want to focus on proportion. I want to play. Whatever your why is, you can kind of create, I guess, an outfit around that.
But for people that are just starting, your why just might be, I need, I just need to figure out my, like, balance. I need to figure out a formula. And you can stick with that. And that feels comfortable. And then you can do, as soon as you get used to that, you might want to, your next step, for Jordana might be to then experiment with different proportions and doing something oversized with a wider leg pant just because it's fun and then you can throw the rules of proportion Out of the window and just have a good time but For me as a stylist, I like for my clients to have these formulas first, have a good sense of what they want first, and then, you know, go throw some rules out the window later.
It's like, you gotta have your driver's permit before you [00:25:00] pull in on the freeway.
jordana: Yes. Absolutely. And I love that question that you asked. Like, what's your why? Why are you getting dressed today? Because, right, on some days it's different. Right? Some days it's like, I need to use my formula because I'm in a rush and I'm just going to do these very functional things. I still want to feel good and look good, but then other times I might have more time or the occasion might be more of one where I want to be.
You know, more creative and just pausing to ask yourself that question again is like, I think such a helpful check in to like, get grounded, pay attention, be intentional about what I'm doing and obviously why I'm doing it.
conni: Exactly. I love that.
jordana: Yeah. Um, so I kind of like started to mention this, but I'd love to circle back around sales, right?
There was just this big influx of like friends and family sales. We're going to come in to like Black Friday season pretty soon. And I feel like companies start doing it earlier and earlier
conni: gosh. I've already seen the ads for Amazon Prime Day
jordana: Remember [00:26:00] Friday is today, right? This today is Tuesday, October 8th, that we're recording this, right? So how, like, how do you help people navigate the allure of things being on sale and staying true to like this whole process that we've talked about?
conni: So two things, back to the why. Why am I buying? If you can identify it and own it, I am buying because I'm feeling like shit today, or I am buying because I'm trying to look exactly like that influencer, or I am buying because I have excess money to spend today. Nothing to do, but, you know. What is your why?
Why are you doing it? And if you can, if you own up to your why then go for it, right? But if your why is because I have no idea why I just need something, I'm, I'm looking, I'm throwing it out there to the universe to see what sticks. That's where I would hold off on the sale. Well, for me, I, uh, when sales are coming around, this is the second part I was mentioning is this is where working with me.
I [00:27:00] have clients that develop what I call an intentional gap list. So there's some, you know, we maybe edit a closet, we do an outfit planning session and we start coming up with these missing pieces like, Oh, it feels like if I added a belt to this outfit, I love belts. And I, it might complete my outfit. And then you say that a couple of times, then we start identifying, okay, that feels like an intentional piece that you can try and bring in your closet.
And that feels good. So then you have this gap list, and that doesn't mean go out and immediately buy all the things on the gap list at once tomorrow. It means, here's a list I have, and maybe if there's a brand I love, and they happen to be having a sale, and a belt is on that sale, Ooh! That's a double win!
It's on my list, and it's on sale! That's awesome! Hooray! But don't double up on something because it's on sale and you're losing the why and you're losing the whole point to bring in something [00:28:00] intentionally. Then you're letting the, you know, dopamine receptors take over and you're just doing it for the high, which we are all guilty of doing because we want to be part of that vibe.
The whole part of human existence is being a part of a community and belonging. And this is what. Social media has done both negatively and positively, but if you've lost your why, you've lost your way.
jordana: Yes. I love that. If you've lost your, why you've lost your way.
conni: Oh, look, I even got a thumbs up.
jordana: I got the thumbs up. I'm glad about the only one that happens to, I get fireworks, I get balloons, confetti, thumbs up. It's,
conni: Well, there's some content right there. Hang on a minute.
jordana: Yeah, no predictability for that. Yeah. If you've lost your, why you've lost your way, I think that's, it's so important, right? Because the, to your point, you said, I love the way you're, you articulated this before shopping online. There's no friction. I mean, literally in 30 seconds, you can go from seeing something to owning something, essentially, and the, the, the pull of that instant gratification and the rush we get and the dopamine, I [00:29:00] mean, if this is all about dopamine, and then it's like tracking the package and then arrives on the doorstep and you open the box and you try it on, and then it's either, yay, I love it, or no, I don't, and then it's like, okay, well, what happens from there, but yeah. Really kind of pausing and being intentional and being thoughtful and knowing also I think something that I talk about a lot like in my social media with getting dressed and my relationship with clothes that kind of links back to this is doing it for you, right? Like I work from home. I'm in my attic office right now.
I work on zoom. There are days where I only leave the house or don't leave the house at all, or only leave the house to maybe like get my son or run to the grocery store or whatever. I still get dressed on those days because it makes me feel good. It changes the way that I feel in my body, the way that I show up, the way that I communicate, regardless of whether someone else sees me.
Right. So it's like if we're buying things because You know, they're more trendy or someone else is going to think they're cute or I'm going to [00:30:00] wear this when I go out to X, Y, Z, like, okay, maybe if that's your why. But for me, and maybe this is like not entirely related, and I went off on a tangent, either way, getting dressed for ourselves and not to please someone else or to get compliments from someone else, of course that feels good, is such a huge part of this.
Because I think that we are used to only putting in effort when someone else is going to see us. And I think it needs to be the other way around. I think we need to put in more effort when no one else is going to see us because that's what really starts to make the shift. With the connection with ourselves and the clothes and why we're getting dressed and all of that.
conni: I feel that way for sure. Uh, you know, it's like you've heard whoever says when you smile more, you answer the phone with a smile, like people can tell, like somehow it's read across the phone call. And it's the same with, yes, like take your, you're taking yourself seriously. When you're putting something on your body for the day, but it [00:31:00] also just, it really does do something mentally to you and your outlook and how you feel about what you're going to accomplish that day.
Even if you're working from home, I almost said just, but working from home is also A lot of work, right? And so it's not just, but you are. And when you put same, you put together an outfit, then you feel just more productive. And this is interesting. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about, um, going through COVID and the pandemic.
Because after that in 2020, probably two, three, and even now, sometimes I still get a common response when someone's booking a consult call that they will write out some questions or answers to some questions I have. And it's typically like I was, you know, working from home during COVID and I didn't get dressed and now I don't know what my style is.
And now it's like gone so far the other direction, I'm lost. I didn't stop getting dressed during the pandemic, [00:32:00] and either did my girlfriend. And when we were talking about that, because it was part of what we would do, we wanted to do this as, as like, well, if we're not doing anything, I might as well just at least try continuing to get dressed.
And I felt like I was able to maintain a sense of identity because I never stopped getting dressed. Whereas a lot of my clients have lost their identity because they stopped getting dressed. And I guess that's the point of me telling the story is when you stop dressing for yourself, you start losing your identity back to what you start with
jordana: yes,
conni: first, right?
It's like very full circle moment right now,
jordana: it totally is. It totally is, right? Like we then, when you just get dressed and you just throw on the most convenient thing or the easiest thing, it's like, then you also start to take on that identity, which isn't you, right? It's one of function and what roles are you having to show up and do versus like who you are as a person.
Um, I think I'm, I love that story. Like, and I think that that's such a testament to the power of trans. of getting dressed and [00:33:00] what it is and what it can be when we're willing to like put in the effort and the time. Like, and it does take, this is, it's a skill. I think we don't think of like getting dressed as being a skill.
It's like, I just need to put on clothes so that I am not naked to go out in public. But it's so much more than that. Um, it's literally,
conni: sorry go ahead,
jordana: No, you go ahead. That's fine.
conni: I was going to say that's often the hardest thing for my clients or for when we were going through the class together, you're like, okay, I have all these ideas, now I don't know how to execute all those things into outfits in my closet. So it is the hardest part.
That's why when you bring in more things and you shop more, you're only making it harder if you haven't figured it out yet.
jordana: Totally. A thousand percent. That is like the, I think if people are listening, if you take away one thing from this conversation, it is that we are making it harder on ourselves by buying more when we actually think that we're making it easier
conni: And I also was going to say yes to that, that you actually don't need as many pieces as you [00:34:00] think that you need. If you are trying to figure out your style, if you're like, where do I begin? I think for, for anybody, it could be just having one great bottom that you like. It could be a pant or a jean or a pull on pant or whatever.
And having two tops that you like and a shoe and like layering piece and just starting there with maybe like five pieces. And then you could, no one is going to call you out for wearing the same thing again and again. It just might be you get bored with it. That might be the moment where you bring in one more piece if you start feeling bored because you've outdone your outfit formulas.
But just, You don't need that much. You can start super simple with one outfit formula and just really get to know that outfit formula and feel, feel it out for all that it is, wear it to the ground, and then it's okay. Like give yourself permission to just be okay with
jordana: Yes.
conni: less complication.
jordana: Repetition is [00:35:00] highly underrated. Like highly underrated. I say that about food all the time and like meal templates and like I eat some version of the same thing for breakfast pretty much every day, but I have enough variety where I can keep it interesting. So I don't get bored. It's like the same thing.
We don't need a new recipe. You don't need to buy this cool new thing. You don't have to make that tick tock recipe. Like you don't need that stuff. You just need your basics. And that's what helps you be consistent and show up and be able to do it and feel good about it every day or most days. It's Repetition is the, is the life hack, I think, for everything.
There's a lot, there's a lot of like,
conni: I am an outfit repeater. I am guilty of that and it makes my life easier to do it that
jordana: yes. And I've seen you Go ahead.
conni: no, that the bottom line is that I repeat the outfits because I love the pieces.
jordana: Right.
conni: So that's
jordana: Yeah. And there's so many, like, simple ways I've seen you talk about with, like, change of the jewelry, or the earrings, or the shoes, or the belt, or, right, [00:36:00] like, the jacket, the blazer, whatever it is, um, that you can make something different without having to buy something new or reinvent a whole outfit. Um, I'd love to get your take. We talked a little bit about this. It's one of my favorite things to talk about, um, on the word, and I think maybe the first time I ever reached out to you was about the word flattering because either you talked about it or very intentionally to me did not use it. And I was so, I'm very attuned to how that word gets used.
We were just chatting about this a bit before we started recording, right? My experience and interpretation of the word flattering, I did a whole episode about this, Is that it is meant most people interpret it as something that makes you look smaller or give you a more like idealized body shape, right?
And so so many people online will talk about, Oh, the most flattering genes for this body type, or that looks really flattering on you. [00:37:00] And. It's mostly, you know, my experience in the name of, Oh, that makes you look smaller. That makes you look again, like having a more like, you know, beauty ideals, whatever that, that idealized shape is.
And I'm curious to hear like how you navigate your work, um, with or without using that.
conni: Yeah, no, I don't use it with clients because I know it can be triggering. And I, cause my goal, as I have said in the beginning is to make sure that my clients are wearing things that feel comfortable to them, make them feel confident. And so to me, I've never been a stylist who will say you have to have, every person has to have this type of thing, uh, or this type of thing because everyone has different goals.
And so when I'm working with a client and their goals are, [00:38:00] uh, you know, like in, in many women say this to me, of course, like, well, I'm going to save those jeans for when I lose 10 pounds or lose 15 pounds. And I'm like, okay, that's fine. You can do that. We're going to put that in a garment bag or in a space.
It's a way from your eyes and in a container that says, check you later. And it literally will have a put on my little printer, my, um, label maker, check you later. And in six months, and then we just put it away because that's fine, but I don't know you 10 or 15 pounds differently. I know you now, and I have to dress you for tomorrow.
So how are we going to do that? So let's just be realistic about this. And it doesn't. If you want to use the word flattering because you feel it makes you more confident or flattering could be, well, that's a, you know, um, Oh, well, thank you. I'm so flattered. That has nothing to do with weight. Great. But if that is triggering for somebody, and typically it can be, then flattering is not the goal.
If [00:39:00] a client says to me, but flattering is the goal for me. I'm going to work my way around what I feel like might be proportionate. We talk about proportion. We will talk about fits and cuts that make you feel great after addressing Um, areas in your body you love, but of course we as women have areas that we feel not very confident about.
And so I typically will use the phrases like, well, if we're not feeling confident about this area, we're not going to then raise a red flag right around it and bring a bunch of attention to it. So how might we do something different? We're bringing attention somewhere else. And so it's just about trying to move the energy into a more positive place.
That's what I like to do with clients.
jordana: Yes. Yes. I love that. Um, I think that, that makes so much sense, right? Acknowledging the reality that, to your point, like for me, it's always been my stomach and I always had a lot of beliefs around what I could or couldn't wear because of that. And it actually turns out a lot of that isn't true as I now give myself the chance to experiment and try on things.
[00:40:00] Um, but really coming back to like, how does this make me feel? How do I show up when I'm wearing this?
conni: And on that feeling, a same with me. It's. The 10 to 15 pounds is not going to change the framework of your mindset. And so even if, like growing up my life, my mom would say, I'm so, you know, I wish I had your arms. And I'm like, what does that mean about you and your arms? Should I look at you any less Because your arms are shaped differently than mine.
And have I done any major work for what, you know, like the other bigger conversations that are happening, but it's also okay to honor yourself, that you have these feelings and know that like, yes, I feel this way and maybe I'm going to avoid those pants. Cause they just make me feel that way. And I don't want to feel that way.
That's
jordana: Yes. Totally. Yes.
conni: But then also remembering that you do, there are other parts of you that you can bring to the table that will make, maybe we can, again, bring the attention [00:41:00] there and that, and just celebrate and appreciate that. But also give space for the fact that we sometimes feel like shit about ourselves. but if we could just, I like to help people give them tricks and tips where they can, again, like move the space to a different place, or move the energy to a different place. Thanks.
jordana: Yes. Like an abundance mindset versus like a restriction mindset.
conni: Oh my gosh, it's because I am doing work on that too in my own life about having not the scarcity mindset, but having the abundance mindset and it's hard. It is very hard and I can see that being easy in the style world where other people, people can see it easy in the food world or in the other different worlds, the family world.
And so we all have our different places where I think we're working on it. But the point is. I guess giving yourself space to say like, it's okay to feel this way, but I want to work on it and I want to educate myself about it. And that's what I is like, let's [00:42:00] just educate them. Let's get information and facts and move from there.
jordana: Yes. Not feeling like stuck, like this is to your point about kind of the growth mindset, right? The yet thing, right? Not feeling like I'm trapped here. This is it for me. Giving yourself the space to know that there is a possibility there is something different for you out there if you're willing to put in that energy and that attention and that effort and seek out the support because I think this is a place where most women need support.
conni: Oh, absolutely. And you, you just, you do, you need a friend, not a friend. I shouldn't say you need someone who's giving you the educational tools and the questions to ask yourself to. Reframe the way you're looking at your closet experience or your food experience or whatever that might be for someone.
jordana: Yes. Yes. A hundred percent. I think that's a great segue for you to share how, what are the ways in which you work with women? Cause you, you work virtually and in person.
conni: Yeah, I do. Uh, so I'm in the San Diego area in California. Uh, and I typically work in San [00:43:00] Diego in Orange County and sometimes in LA for clients to do closet edits with them or, uh, outfit planning sessions. And so that means like I'll come to you and we have a clothing rack where we set out some pieces of clothing and we just.
Work with one item at a time and create two to three different outfits. That's showing the potential that they have without actually purchasing anything. Um, but, uh, what else? So shopping appointments I will also do with clients too, but typically a first point of contact with someone isn't just a shopping appointment.
I like to get to know what they have in their closet first, uh, because there is more potential and I can pull out that potential for them and establish a baseline. Um, but also virtually I do everything also virtually with clients too. And I think because of the pandemic, it allowed me to increase my virtual exposure.
So I typically work, I'd say like four days a week virtually and maybe two days a week in person. So it's a lot more virtual because of social [00:44:00] media. That is a blessing of social media in a way. Um, we use it for good. Uh, so yeah, I do all those things.
jordana: Awesome. Okay, great. And what's, I'll link it in the show notes, but if you can just share kind of the best way for people to contact you.
conni: Um, you could do, I don't say like DM on Instagram, you can do that. Everything is art in the find. Um, but you can, I guess a DM might be the most instant way to message me.
jordana: Okay. Good. I'll link your Instagram in the show notes so that people can, can find you.
conni: Yeah, this
jordana: Thank you so much. This has been so much fun. And I feel like there's such a great resource for people to have, to listen, to understand, to feel seen like in their own struggles around this.
conni: Absolutely. I know. And I think, again, like, clothing is definitely a way that we can express ourselves, but it does take a lot of inner work. Oh, Miles, my dog, my dachshund. Say hello. Um, a lot of the inner work first to kind of ground yourself, um, in order to then express yourself a little bit more [00:45:00] outwardly.
If
jordana: Yes. If you don't know your why, what was it? If you lose your why, you lose your way.
conni: I'm like, I knew I need to write it down.
jordana: Yes. Awesome. Thank you so much, Connie.
conni: Absolutely Jordana. And this was such a pleasure.