episode 192: how to change the way you feel about your body
Hi friends! Today’s topic was inspired by a conversation with a client who’s been struggling with body image. She’s been setting the intention to feel neutral about her body each day, but those intrusive thoughts keep showing up. And that got me thinking—how often do we try to control how we feel and the get frustrated when that doesn’t work?
Here’s the thing: we can’t control our feelings, just like we can’t control where we lose weight or how fast we build muscle. But what we can control are our actions—the small, daily things that lead to change over time. I share some strategies my client and I came up with that can help shift the focus from those uncontrollable feelings to actions so you can actually make a difference.
In this episode, we’ll cover:
Why trying to control your feelings might be setting you up for failure
The power of focusing on actions instead of outcomes
Practical tips for improving body image without obsessing over weight
How small daily habits can lead to big changes in how you feel
This episode is all about shifting your mindset from obsessing over outcomes to embracing the power of what you can control.
Reminder! If you’ve been considering one-on-one coaching, I’m opening up five spots this fall. Joining the interest list will give you first access to book a consult and $50 discount off the monthly rate. No obligations, this just gives you options. Once you’re on the list you’ll get more info mid/late September and we get started in October!
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192
[00:00:00] Hey friends, welcome back. Thanks for being here listening to the diet diaries. Um, today's episode, I'm recording a little bit ahead of time right now, because as you will probably have heard by the time you listen to this, but as I'm recording it, it hasn't happened yet. We are getting a puppy, a rescue puppy, a mini Bernadudo, and we are bringing her home tomorrow.
So I'm recording this on Thursday, August 15th. This episode. If I can, like, get my date straight won't air until Monday, August 26. So I'm like way ahead. I'm doing that a big in part because life is about to get a lot and I have time today. And so I wanted to get some episodes ready to go for you guys, um, to kind of make things a little bit easier on myself, a little bit of planning ahead there and thinking about how to use my time, energy and attention.
Yes, I'm throwing skills out there because I can't help myself. Um, yeah, So yeah, that is what is [00:01:00] happening. And I can't really say much now because it hasn't happened yet. It's like a little, it's like the weird, like time travel y warp thing about, um, recording podcast episode in advance. But really quick, as I've been doing, and I might sound like a broken record to you guys, but the reality is I know that we need to hear things many, many times, often before we take action on them.
Uh, whether it's because we feel overwhelmed or it's the timing or we're nervous and we're not sure, is this right for us? Can I do this? Do I want to do this? So I'm just letting you know that there's an interest list open right now because I am able to take on five new one to I'm super excited about it.
I've had A handful of folks finish up over the last, like, you know, two, three, four months, which means that there are spots open and available. Um, and I'm happy to be able to bring in some women who need support, right? So this is nutrition, behavior, and body image coaching. Um, this is all about learning the skills of what, why, and [00:02:00] how to eat so you can feel at ease around food.
and in your body. Some people ask, what role does weight loss play a role in this? For some people, yes. For some people, no. What I will tell you is that weight loss is never the focus of our work. It is a side effect of it, a positive, often side effect for people. Whereas when you learn the skills of what, why, and how to eat, and you start to really kind of heal from your disordered eating and your all or nothing thinking around food, you're Weight loss is often a byproduct of that, because what happens is you start to regulate your overall food intake into a place that's more in line with where your body needs to be.
And if you are someone who needs to lose weight, that is often the byproduct. Now, if you're someone who needs to lose weight and wants to intentionally work on that for physical, mental, and or health reasons, We do, that is part of the work that we do, but it is through the lens of skills. It is never going to be just counting calories or counting macros or following a food plan.
It is all going to be through the work of skills. So [00:03:00] I've had a couple of people ask me that, so I just wanted to clarify. And for some folks, weight loss is not something we even talk about at all. So um, because it's a skill based approach. So then the outcomes are kind of, and the goals are different for everyone.
Okay. So the benefit of getting on that early interest list is twofold. One, so you can kind of get first access to schedule a consult, um, which will happen in like mid late September. The plan for this timing is for coaching to actually kick off in October, like mid October, which I know feels far away right now.
Um, So it's like get your name on the list and then it's like you don't have to think about it and you'll hear from me like mid late September. It doesn't obligate you to anything. It just gives you the chance to schedule a consult if you want. And if you schedule a consult and decide to move forward, it does give you 50 off the monthly rate, right?
So there's a nice like little financial benefit to it too. Reach out if you've got questions, link in the show notes, on my Instagram, all the places to add your name to that. Okay, so here is what I wanted to talk [00:04:00] about today. This is actually kind of a, an episode idea that came to me today as a result of a conversation I had with a client this morning.
Um, and what came up is we were talking about some body image stuff and she shared that she's been trying to kind of set an intention each day or go into each day, saying to herself, I want to feel neutral about my body today. And what she shared is that she's kind of saying that to herself and setting that attention and that's her goal.
And yet There's still a lot of intrusive thoughts coming in, right? She's not feeling neutral about her body despite wanting to feel that way, that things are still coming up and it's still really challenging and you know, what's going on. So as we were talking through this and we kind of came up with a plan, which I'm sort of going to share with you, but the bigger context of this that I wanted to talk about today is that we can't control our feelings, right?
You've heard this before, like you love who you love. You fall in love with who you fall in love with. [00:05:00] And. You have a shitty day and you have a shitty day. Um, you have depression and you have depression, right? You have a great day, you have a great you can't control those things. If we could control how we felt, nobody would need therapy, nobody would be heartbroken, nobody would, like, we would all be happy all the time, almost, like, Or we would all, like, we wouldn't need support because we would just be able to, like, flip the switch and feel how we wanted to feel in any given moment, but it doesn't work that way.
That's not how our brains work. That's not how the emotional center of our brains work. So it's like, if we're setting a goal and the goal is how we want to feel, kind of like with weight loss, it's like we're then putting all our eggs in a basket that we can't control the outcome of. So it's like, well, what can we control?
And you guys know you've heard me say this a million times before, but we can never say it enough. And in different contexts and situations, we can control our actions. We can control what skills we're working on. [00:06:00] So with this specific example, in the context of wanting to feel more neutral about my body, well, what are some specific actions that we can take that will hopefully move you in that direction, that will give you some autonomy, that will give you a feeling like you're actually doing something, and that will feel good, that will have other benefits.
Whether or not they ultimately influence your feelings, there will be other positive impacts to that. And so what we talked about, what she came up with was, um, focusing on movement slash exercise, because she's very clear on the correlation between that and how she feels about her body. And the second was, um, practicing some, creating some structure and boundaries around how she eats desserts.
Right? The way we eat food is often very directly tied to our body image, specifically when we are overeating, eating foods that don't feel good, eating foods in large quantities, not being thoughtful around food. Immediately it impacts how we feel and we start thinking, I feel gross, I feel fat, I look fat, I've gained weight, these pants are tight, [00:07:00] all of these things that factually are not true in the moment, but we are thinking them as a result of what we ate.
So creating structure and working those two specific skills around movement and structure on desserts become actions that she can practice that have their own benefits, right? Of movement, just feeling good and building strength and providing a break from her day and prioritizing self care and providing some relief, emotional and mental relief in the moment.
And then the structure around food, like I'm not overeating. I'm not overly full. I don't feel gross. I'm able to eat. the amount of this and fully enjoy it and be present and not eat past the point of satisfaction where I'm eating it just because it's here or just because it's quote my last chance, right?
So there's all these benefits of these two skills. And then hopefully they start to over time and with practice and depending on the given day, impact how we feel about our body, right? I want to feel more neutral about my body. Um, I want to [00:08:00] feel more confident. I want to feel more empowered. I want to feel, um, more at ease.
Um, so whenever we're talking about feelings, right, we can't overtly control them. So we have to look at what we can actually do, what levers can we pull, and those are going to be skills. Those are going to be very specific actions. So, notice when you're saying to yourself, I want to feel a certain way, or I don't like how I feel.
Think about how you do want to feel, and then can you identify a couple of very specific actions? That will maybe move you in that direction that correlate with the feeling that you want to have. Because those are the things you can control. You can control how often you move your body. You can control how often and what type of exercise you do.
You can control whether or not you put your dessert on a plate or eat it in front of a TV. Or you can control what foods you choose to keep around in your house, and you can control, you know, how much you eat. Yes, there, I realize that, you know, [00:09:00] I'm speaking in absolutes. Are there certain situations and for certain populations of people where controlling how much you eat is a challenge?
Yes. I know that. Um, I'm speaking with a little bit of, you know, some, a little bit of liberty here. I always try to caveat things and then it gets a little cumbersome, but I think you guys get my point with this. Change happens as a result of working on skills and practicing actions that you can control.
It doesn't happen by setting goals and putting all your energy on outcomes that you can't control. How much weight you lose on the scale, where you lose body fat from, where you gain muscle, what your feelings are. Those are not things that we can control. So getting clarity around what you can and can't control is a big part of the work.
And then learning how to focus and direct your time, energy, and attention, your most valuable and most finite resources to those actions. And not to these [00:10:00] goals, these outcome based goals that we can't control. We can't control outcomes. We can only control actions. I say that all the time and sometimes I feel like it's like, well, what does that mean?
This episode is really one example of what that means. Can't control our feelings. We can control the actions that we take, which play a role in how those feelings manifest and develop within us. And that's what I wanted to talk about, right? So how do you deal with your feelings? This is one way. So that's really it.
A short and sweet episode. Love it for me right now with like planning ahead. Love it for you for listening end of summer. And um, That's what I got for you. Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you. I appreciate your listening. I appreciate your time, energy and attention that you put towards listening to the diet diaries.
Um, and sharing it if you liked this episode or any other episode, sharing it with one person who you think it would be helpful for. I appreciate benefits me and it benefits [00:11:00] them. So it's like a win win for all. And, uh, I will be back as always next week.